I have missed blogging consistently since this summer. I think the death of my dad just 3 1/2 years after my mom hit my like a train wreak. I was really not prepared for the loop it threw me and I feel out of sorts most days. Christmas was always special at my house growing up. Mom made it that way. And for me They...my parents were such a huge part of what Christmas is for me. They taught us about Christ, the spirit of giving, loving everyone, and yes...unconditionally. They reached out, lifted up, and were "Secret Santa" to several families over the years. They taught us and we have spread that to our children...and hopefully they will spread it to their own. Needless to say this Christmas has been a bit of a struggle for me. I guess that is why I tried to do something really special for my siblings...simple, but special. I await Christmas now with great anticipation! It is that feeling of excitement I imagine mom had the year she bought me my new set of scriptures that I had my heart set on...a present at 17 that was so important to me. I couldn't wait to have them and they have lasted me all these years. Like my life they are marked up, a little worn, tattered at the edges and general well used. The marks and the scratches don't make them less valuable to me though. I think God sees us that way too. So often I am my worst critic...my biggest judge, I am so hard on myself. Anyone relate???
The other day I was sitting at my computer and I was reading thoughts and quotes on pinterest. Then I had a thought... "Love yourself where you are at, but don't settle for that as the final draft."
Before I go on I have a confession. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to sneak away to Utah and stay downtown in a hotel to attend the Time Out for women conference. I feel bad that I didn't see any family. But the conference was just what I needed. It was a chance to jump start my heart again. I needed a little push. I needed to hear... "You are going to be ok, this is life. This trial will pass. And rest assured another will be around the corner. But that is ok too. You are strong, you've got this!" I have decided for the next few posts to share my notes and some insights in my weekend away. Maybe it will be a shot in the arm that you needed too.
I believe in tender mercies. I believe that the Lord is very mindful of us personally. I am not going to share the events of my weekend in order. Instead I am jumping to Saturday morning to share my tender mercy. Saturday I woke up early with my friend that I convinced to sneak away too. We will call her Ethel for annonimity. We ate breakfast quickly and headed out the door. As I walked with her to the elevator I looked up and set my eyes on the woman in front of me. I knew her. Now I had been ducking my head all night Friday, hoping not to run into anyone from Utah that might be mad at me for not letting them know I was in town. But I had looked up...and there she was Sister Stephanie Neilson. I don't know her personally. She doesn't know me from 'Adam'. But I know of her. Some of my family follow her blog. She is a member of the same church I attend. I had watched a Mormon Messages segment about her story some time ago and have read her blog on occasion. I was an idiot as I stood there in awe. She was with her husband and all I kept thinking was this wonderful, beautiful woman has helped me deal with the most painful losses of my life...my parents. I rambled to her about how very grateful I was for her, what an inspiration she was, that I loved her, I asked permission and then hugged her. I said to her husband, I am sure you are wonderful too, but she is my inspiration... He replied in the sweetest tone, She is mine too. I told her how my sister followed her blog and would be so jealous that I got to see her in person. She has been known to speak of her beautiful eyes and they are beautiful. But what I noticed was her smile. She had the most kind and lovely smile. We shared some small talk in the elevator. I was really star struck, like some dumb teenager. As I stood in awe of this most powerful and wonderful woman I even said, You are like a celebrity. She laughed and said I don't think so. I said, Not in the bad way, but in all the wonderful, inspirational, changed my life ways. She smiled. (Tender Mercy #1)
Stephanie is a burn victim. She and her husband were in a plane crash. The crash nearly took her life and she was burned over 80% of her body. Her courage and strength have been a lighthouse to me since the first day I learned about her. I am so grateful for her strength, love, kindness, goodness and testimony. Her strength and faith in Christ has help my heart through some pretty sad moments over the past couple years. Her story is definitely worth your eight minutes to see...take the time. You can click my link if you want to watch a large version, or I have embeded the video below.
So my first tender mercy of the morning was my small brush with inspiration. Because I have watched her life a bit I didn't want to be rude and ask for a picture of this everyday EXTRAordinary hero. So she went on and so did my friend and I. We crossed the street to our conference. And as we were sitting in seats my friend's cousin scored us rather close to the front I looked over and a few rows away I saw Stephanie again. She was standing with a group of women and her husband was to the side. My friend said, don't miss your chance. So I went and asked him if it would be ok to ask for a picture with her. When he saw me he said "You again?" and he smiled...looking back on this event I chuckle a little...opps... I hope I didn't seem like a stalker. He took the picture for me...then I hugged her and whispered in her ear...Thank you, I lost both my parents in the past 3 1/2 years and you have been such an inspiration and help to me. She smiled that million dollar smile again and said thank you for sharing that with me. That was tender mercy #2. And it wasn't even 9am.
The conference began and speakers were announced. Then the director got up. She said she was sad to explain that one of the presenters was home with her husband who was very ill. The Time Out For Women team had counseled as to what they could do to fill the time. They had invited a guest speaker. They introduced her with this video presentation from Sister Hilary Weeks called Beautiful Heartbreak. You can follow the link or you can watch it below. If you haven't seen it, push play...but first get some tissue.
Immediately I knew that it was tender mercy #3...Stephanie was not 'just' there, she was there to speak to us. And I want to share what she shared. Now forgive me...it won't be word for word and will lose some of its power in translation I am sure. But still I hope some of it can touch you the way it touched me. I can truly say it was life changing....
(Notes to follow...it is getting late ;)
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