In life, I have found that it is the little things that matter most.
Last week, as I anticipated surgery for our Baby J, my mind went racing over the past 14 years of raising children. Of our Joys and our losses. Our trials and our blessings. The blessing basket is always overflowing and I never run short of things to thank God for, even when life doesn't always go like I want.
In my remembering, my mind settled on one moment. It wasn't one of my lowest days in life. Certainly those were the loss of loved ones. But it was one of the rougher days. I was pregnant with our second child. I never really knew nausea until my little man started to grow under my heart.
One particular day it got really bad. I was trying to keep down some O.J... You know, that whole folic acid, brain development stuff. But my body was having none of it. The heaving became so heinous that literally blood vessels burst around my eyes. I looked like a very sick raccoon. And yet, life must go on. I had one very active and energetic 18 month old to attend to.
I remember the doorbell ringing and thinking that if I didn't answer, they would surely go away. But something told me to get the door. There stood my dear friend L.A. She had a toddler the same age. She explained that she had been at home and just felt like I might need a break today. She was coming to sweep away my angel girl for a playdate and she wasn't taking NO for an answer. I remember thanking her and then laying down. The exhaustion melting me into the bed. I slept the whole time she was gone. So incredibly grateful. I remember her telling me it was no big thing. It was just a little thing and she was glad she could help. But I have learned over the years that the little things are really the big things.
There were many little things over the years...but that same friend would call me 12 years later and be the catalyst to our Baby J coming into our home. It was just a little thing when she had a thought to connect me to another angel. Just a thought when she insisted that if I didn't befriend any other DS families, that I really needed to befriend this family. And what have I learned? It only took 42 years, but God works by very little things, to bring about great things.
It's the little things.
It also reminds me to listen to that little voice, some call it intuition, some the Holy Ghost...whatever you call it...I believe that those promptings come from God...and when we follow them, miracles follow us.
Monday, March 16, 2015
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Remember...
I have thought a lot about the word Remember over the past few years. I have learned of its power as my heart is longing for a loved one I have lost, or when my child tells me that they don't like me...and I have to remember that yesterday they told me I was the best mommy in the whole world.
I have thought of how I cling at times to bad memories, and punish loved ones for crimes that should have expired with the statute of limitations...decades past.
I have thought of how I forget to remember all the good I have done all my life and dwell too often on those extra 50 pounds, the unkind thought when someone cuts me off and my memories of being impatient with my children more often than I would like.
But as I have watched some loved ones the past few years, struggling with memories and losing the ability to remember things, it has made me keenly aware of the power of MEMORY.
I think of the promise from God that when we repent though our sins be as scarlet, they will be white as snow. And if I must forgive, and he forgives me why is it so hard to forget the bad and remember the good more often.
My dad, one of my brothers and I once got into a very heated discussion about competition. Having studied sociology, I believe that the "worldly" set up of competition in society is damaging to relationships. They argued that competition is imperative to progress.
I don't have all the answers. But I do have 4 very competitive boys. So recently, when two of them got in a huge fight, I sat them down and gave them a punishment that was experimental and calculated in its nature. They had to play together for a week. They had no access to tablets, T.V., Computer (except for school), kindle readers, they just had each other for all their free time. The assignment was to learn to like each other again. And by a week they did. It wore off when they fell back into their competitive and selfish ways a week after that. But I did see, watch, recognize a change in them during the experiment.
I would suggest that much of the ill and hurt feelings of loved ones between one another, and much of the self loathing we catch ourself doing could be wiped away if we stopped competing so much and just loved each other and ourselves.
I changed the colors of my blog for spring. The pinks and yellows remind me of candy stores, and lemonade. And maybe I am just too Pollyanna. Maybe I am wrong in my analysis of life. Maybe my idea is just to simple to work.
My daughter was in tears a few weeks back because she is in a class with her younger (Math mastermind) brother and he had a higher grade. Sobbing ensued. But I asked her (deliberately in front of another younger brother that deals with self esteem issues)...what if you stopped comparing yourself to anyone and just did YOUR BEST. You might not be a math master mind, but you are better than you give yourself credit for.
When we hold ourselves up to airbrushed models, when we look at Hollywood marriages with longing that last 3-7 years...and our own is still going strong...but just not as Hollywood "sparkly"...or ours isn't going strong, but we learned what we really want now and have course corrected to get it...When we stop buying happiness and start finding it, inside us, and around us...
Then I think more positive memories will flow freely, and the bitter ones of regret, hurt and grudges will lose some of their sting and their power. It is just a theory, but this year I am going to try it out.
I have thought of how I cling at times to bad memories, and punish loved ones for crimes that should have expired with the statute of limitations...decades past.
I have thought of how I forget to remember all the good I have done all my life and dwell too often on those extra 50 pounds, the unkind thought when someone cuts me off and my memories of being impatient with my children more often than I would like.
But as I have watched some loved ones the past few years, struggling with memories and losing the ability to remember things, it has made me keenly aware of the power of MEMORY.
I think of the promise from God that when we repent though our sins be as scarlet, they will be white as snow. And if I must forgive, and he forgives me why is it so hard to forget the bad and remember the good more often.
My dad, one of my brothers and I once got into a very heated discussion about competition. Having studied sociology, I believe that the "worldly" set up of competition in society is damaging to relationships. They argued that competition is imperative to progress.
I don't have all the answers. But I do have 4 very competitive boys. So recently, when two of them got in a huge fight, I sat them down and gave them a punishment that was experimental and calculated in its nature. They had to play together for a week. They had no access to tablets, T.V., Computer (except for school), kindle readers, they just had each other for all their free time. The assignment was to learn to like each other again. And by a week they did. It wore off when they fell back into their competitive and selfish ways a week after that. But I did see, watch, recognize a change in them during the experiment.
I would suggest that much of the ill and hurt feelings of loved ones between one another, and much of the self loathing we catch ourself doing could be wiped away if we stopped competing so much and just loved each other and ourselves.
I changed the colors of my blog for spring. The pinks and yellows remind me of candy stores, and lemonade. And maybe I am just too Pollyanna. Maybe I am wrong in my analysis of life. Maybe my idea is just to simple to work.
My daughter was in tears a few weeks back because she is in a class with her younger (Math mastermind) brother and he had a higher grade. Sobbing ensued. But I asked her (deliberately in front of another younger brother that deals with self esteem issues)...what if you stopped comparing yourself to anyone and just did YOUR BEST. You might not be a math master mind, but you are better than you give yourself credit for.
When we hold ourselves up to airbrushed models, when we look at Hollywood marriages with longing that last 3-7 years...and our own is still going strong...but just not as Hollywood "sparkly"...or ours isn't going strong, but we learned what we really want now and have course corrected to get it...When we stop buying happiness and start finding it, inside us, and around us...
Then I think more positive memories will flow freely, and the bitter ones of regret, hurt and grudges will lose some of their sting and their power. It is just a theory, but this year I am going to try it out.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
God gives us what we need...
My mother and father were great people. They were kind, smart and service oriented. They always taught us that God gives us what we need, but not necessarily what we WANT. Mom taught us that he can see things we cannot see.
I didn't understand this growing up.
I remember being on my knees for what seemed like hours as a little girl, praying for a sister. The carpet was worn (I am sure) where my little knees rubbed the floor raw praying for every dead pet by name (there were a lot of them, and would be a lot more...14 cats total when I moved out of the house...and six dogs over all.) I am sure my mom tired of hearing their names as she patiently knelt by me. But nothing made her more weary, I'm sure, than the pleadings for another sibling, and more specifically a sister.
After years of this she sat me down one day and explained that things had been "done" to prevent this and that I needed to stop praying for it. But I think the secret prayers kept ascending to heaven. I was 13 when my parents opened the umbrella of their home and their love to other teens that needed a safe haven, some for a month or two, some for years. I loved them all, drinking in the miracle of God's power. He had made what was "DONE"...Undone. Brothers followed, Sisters followed. And though I am not close to all these children in proximity, I can't imagine what life would have been like today without all of them. My brothers married great women, that I have been blessed to not just call sister, but friend. My sisters married great men. One of my sons is even named after a brother in law...he adores his big Uncle D. I know in many ways these brothers and sisters have prepared me to love our little BabyJ more than some could imagine possible. But I knew, there was no division in my heart between the "biological" and the "gifts"...no line between the ones that arrived FedEx and the ones that arrived Parcel Post...a little later, a little worn for the travel. They were all MINE. What a gift. I know that God is good. His timing isn't always ours. But he hears us and my parents were right, he gives us what we need.
The human part of me that I wrote about earlier this week, didn't know what God was thinking when he took my mother home to him 7 years ago. I remember thinking that he must not love me any more to take my mother. My father followed 3 years later.
But the processing and the path of my life has been so interesting and God, when he closes doors, has always thrown open windows for me. When I met my husband almost 17 years ago, gratefully through the blessing of an ex-boyfriend ironically enough...I had no idea how that would bless me today. I had no idea that JUST LIKE these amazing siblings that came parcel post, the Lord would deliver me on the door of a family that would love me like their own. He was planting the seeds of NEED. He knew that I couldn't get through the gritty life of raising 6 children without parents that would nurture my soul. He took my parents home and I very much feel their presence. They made me what and who I am. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life, thanks to them. I am so grateful for extended family that they gifted me with.
Today is my Second Mom's birthday. She took me under her wing 17 years ago. She and I instantly bonded. It was like our hearts had been searching for each other since our births. She knows me, she holds my heart when no one else can. She loves my mother and tells my children about the blessing of their Grandma and Grandpa TaTa that look out for them. When my mommy died, mom came for a week and took care of me, Ryan and the children. She held the baby through the viewing. She cooked for us. She just loved us. And dad M. let her come without reservation. She came another week after we laid my dad to rest, just to make sure I was ok. There have been many visits from them in-between all this. Visits after a bad miscarriage and when BabyJ came home for the hospital. She is one of the most selfless and giving women I know. I know that she and my mommy were the best of friends in heaven. There was probably some deal struck between them that when she was called home, Mom M. would watch over us.
How grateful I am that when God's will or plan cannot give us what we want, he reaches down and gives us what we need. I could have chosen for the last 7 years to be bitter. Instead, I opened my eyes and recognized the gift before me...Two more parents to love me, Two more Grandparents for my children, Four more sisters, Four more brothers by marriage, 10 more nieces and nephews and the baby hasn't even had her little ones yet. My cup runneth over with blessings.
And today, on the birthday of one of the greatest women I know, I am reminded that God gives us what we need. And I am grateful.
Happy Birthday Mom. I am sure Mommy is smiling over you today. And she and grandma J are looking out for you every day. I love you!
I didn't understand this growing up.
I remember being on my knees for what seemed like hours as a little girl, praying for a sister. The carpet was worn (I am sure) where my little knees rubbed the floor raw praying for every dead pet by name (there were a lot of them, and would be a lot more...14 cats total when I moved out of the house...and six dogs over all.) I am sure my mom tired of hearing their names as she patiently knelt by me. But nothing made her more weary, I'm sure, than the pleadings for another sibling, and more specifically a sister.
After years of this she sat me down one day and explained that things had been "done" to prevent this and that I needed to stop praying for it. But I think the secret prayers kept ascending to heaven. I was 13 when my parents opened the umbrella of their home and their love to other teens that needed a safe haven, some for a month or two, some for years. I loved them all, drinking in the miracle of God's power. He had made what was "DONE"...Undone. Brothers followed, Sisters followed. And though I am not close to all these children in proximity, I can't imagine what life would have been like today without all of them. My brothers married great women, that I have been blessed to not just call sister, but friend. My sisters married great men. One of my sons is even named after a brother in law...he adores his big Uncle D. I know in many ways these brothers and sisters have prepared me to love our little BabyJ more than some could imagine possible. But I knew, there was no division in my heart between the "biological" and the "gifts"...no line between the ones that arrived FedEx and the ones that arrived Parcel Post...a little later, a little worn for the travel. They were all MINE. What a gift. I know that God is good. His timing isn't always ours. But he hears us and my parents were right, he gives us what we need.
The human part of me that I wrote about earlier this week, didn't know what God was thinking when he took my mother home to him 7 years ago. I remember thinking that he must not love me any more to take my mother. My father followed 3 years later.
But the processing and the path of my life has been so interesting and God, when he closes doors, has always thrown open windows for me. When I met my husband almost 17 years ago, gratefully through the blessing of an ex-boyfriend ironically enough...I had no idea how that would bless me today. I had no idea that JUST LIKE these amazing siblings that came parcel post, the Lord would deliver me on the door of a family that would love me like their own. He was planting the seeds of NEED. He knew that I couldn't get through the gritty life of raising 6 children without parents that would nurture my soul. He took my parents home and I very much feel their presence. They made me what and who I am. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life, thanks to them. I am so grateful for extended family that they gifted me with.
Today is my Second Mom's birthday. She took me under her wing 17 years ago. She and I instantly bonded. It was like our hearts had been searching for each other since our births. She knows me, she holds my heart when no one else can. She loves my mother and tells my children about the blessing of their Grandma and Grandpa TaTa that look out for them. When my mommy died, mom came for a week and took care of me, Ryan and the children. She held the baby through the viewing. She cooked for us. She just loved us. And dad M. let her come without reservation. She came another week after we laid my dad to rest, just to make sure I was ok. There have been many visits from them in-between all this. Visits after a bad miscarriage and when BabyJ came home for the hospital. She is one of the most selfless and giving women I know. I know that she and my mommy were the best of friends in heaven. There was probably some deal struck between them that when she was called home, Mom M. would watch over us.
How grateful I am that when God's will or plan cannot give us what we want, he reaches down and gives us what we need. I could have chosen for the last 7 years to be bitter. Instead, I opened my eyes and recognized the gift before me...Two more parents to love me, Two more Grandparents for my children, Four more sisters, Four more brothers by marriage, 10 more nieces and nephews and the baby hasn't even had her little ones yet. My cup runneth over with blessings.
And today, on the birthday of one of the greatest women I know, I am reminded that God gives us what we need. And I am grateful.
Happy Birthday Mom. I am sure Mommy is smiling over you today. And she and grandma J are looking out for you every day. I love you!
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
I'm Only Human...
I am many things...
I am a daughter
granddaughter
sister
wife
mother
aunt
cousin
niece
friend...
And though for years I have tried to be a superhero. I find that I always fall short.
The reason...I am human.
As such I have so many weaknesses to overcome. And though I try to be a really good person, there are just things I can't handle. I have surrounded myself with some of the best people in the world. Some are family by birth, some by marriage and some by adoption...not the "legal" kind, but the...we have been through this thick and thin life and we are family. The ones that stick, that stand by you No Matter What. I have been blessed with the greatest family by birth, marriage and choice.
Because of the great love in my life, and my great capacity to love, adoption (the real and legal kind) was always an option for me. Not so much for my husband though. He didn't get it. He didn't have many deep relationships with people he was not related to by blood, except his best friend who was like a brother to him, and died a decade ago. I think that death really closed him off. Well until our whole world changed this year...
For those who follow my life, you know about our loss last Spring. It has been a year since we lost little David. He was so small he could fit in the palm of my hand from the bottom of my palm to the top of my longest finger. He was a little angel, moving in me like crazy. And then, he wasn't. The tragedy was more than I could comprehend. And then it wasn't. From one day to the next little BabyJ was in our life and everything changed. My dear friend S.M. told me once that she thought I should write about it. Maybe one day I will. She said, "I think a good title for your book could be And David Smiled." I think of that often. How our little boy with DS softened our hearts, prepared us for DS and adoption in one felled swoop. WOW! Monumental, life changing SWOOP!
My weeping, fleshy and tender heart ached for the birth mom that gave us our Chinese baby girl. Her home was no place for this little gift from heaven and she dug deep to find the courage to be selfless. I will always love her for this priceless gift of BabyJ's life. She cared more for her daughter than she did for herself.
She is in town for a somewhat unplanned visit. She brought her niece without even telling me and I am struggling. I am a bit angry. Well, maybe more than a bit. I want to be that completely selfless, Christlike person.
That person battles with the other person I am... The Human One. I am not making excuses, but today I decided it is ok. I stopped beating myself up. I am kind, but it is ok that I have some not so nice feelings. It is ok that I feel jealous when my 5 year old says to his baby sister (pointing to the birth mom) Mama and pointing to me (Second Mama) and I want to scream, but instead I wait until everyone is asleep and I cry. It is ok.
I said to my husband, do you think she knows that I am her "Real" mommy. Not the one that brings giant bags of ToyRus...but the one that prepares the bottles, runs the bath, changes every colostomy bag, and diaper and stays up late in the night. He hugged me and assured me...she knows. Last night I was holding her (after the "Second Mama" fiasco). She looked up at me, put her hand on my face and started to giggle. I kissed her. More giggles. More and more and more. And the broken little piece of my heart healed. She healed it, Christ healed it. I slept and my spirit was renewed to tackle another day.
I was a little angry at God when I buried my parents, when I lost three babies in a row, when I couldn't keep David... But I am human, and God is forgiving. He is teaching me to be a patient, loving and forgiving parent too.
There is one thing I am more in my life than human, and that is grateful. When my humanness sneaks up on me, my spirit, my heart, the Holy Ghost (probably all three) remind me how grateful I am, and how much there is to be grateful for.
And I remember...I am an Ordinary mom, with an extraordinary life. I thank HIM for that.
I am Grateful.
I am a daughter
granddaughter
sister
wife
mother
aunt
cousin
niece
friend...
And though for years I have tried to be a superhero. I find that I always fall short.
The reason...I am human.
As such I have so many weaknesses to overcome. And though I try to be a really good person, there are just things I can't handle. I have surrounded myself with some of the best people in the world. Some are family by birth, some by marriage and some by adoption...not the "legal" kind, but the...we have been through this thick and thin life and we are family. The ones that stick, that stand by you No Matter What. I have been blessed with the greatest family by birth, marriage and choice.
Because of the great love in my life, and my great capacity to love, adoption (the real and legal kind) was always an option for me. Not so much for my husband though. He didn't get it. He didn't have many deep relationships with people he was not related to by blood, except his best friend who was like a brother to him, and died a decade ago. I think that death really closed him off. Well until our whole world changed this year...
For those who follow my life, you know about our loss last Spring. It has been a year since we lost little David. He was so small he could fit in the palm of my hand from the bottom of my palm to the top of my longest finger. He was a little angel, moving in me like crazy. And then, he wasn't. The tragedy was more than I could comprehend. And then it wasn't. From one day to the next little BabyJ was in our life and everything changed. My dear friend S.M. told me once that she thought I should write about it. Maybe one day I will. She said, "I think a good title for your book could be And David Smiled." I think of that often. How our little boy with DS softened our hearts, prepared us for DS and adoption in one felled swoop. WOW! Monumental, life changing SWOOP!
My weeping, fleshy and tender heart ached for the birth mom that gave us our Chinese baby girl. Her home was no place for this little gift from heaven and she dug deep to find the courage to be selfless. I will always love her for this priceless gift of BabyJ's life. She cared more for her daughter than she did for herself.
She is in town for a somewhat unplanned visit. She brought her niece without even telling me and I am struggling. I am a bit angry. Well, maybe more than a bit. I want to be that completely selfless, Christlike person.
That person battles with the other person I am... The Human One. I am not making excuses, but today I decided it is ok. I stopped beating myself up. I am kind, but it is ok that I have some not so nice feelings. It is ok that I feel jealous when my 5 year old says to his baby sister (pointing to the birth mom) Mama and pointing to me (Second Mama) and I want to scream, but instead I wait until everyone is asleep and I cry. It is ok.
I said to my husband, do you think she knows that I am her "Real" mommy. Not the one that brings giant bags of ToyRus...but the one that prepares the bottles, runs the bath, changes every colostomy bag, and diaper and stays up late in the night. He hugged me and assured me...she knows. Last night I was holding her (after the "Second Mama" fiasco). She looked up at me, put her hand on my face and started to giggle. I kissed her. More giggles. More and more and more. And the broken little piece of my heart healed. She healed it, Christ healed it. I slept and my spirit was renewed to tackle another day.
I was a little angry at God when I buried my parents, when I lost three babies in a row, when I couldn't keep David... But I am human, and God is forgiving. He is teaching me to be a patient, loving and forgiving parent too.
There is one thing I am more in my life than human, and that is grateful. When my humanness sneaks up on me, my spirit, my heart, the Holy Ghost (probably all three) remind me how grateful I am, and how much there is to be grateful for.
And I remember...I am an Ordinary mom, with an extraordinary life. I thank HIM for that.
I am Grateful.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Lemonade and My Sweet Tooth...
I used to "blog" pretty regularly. Then somewhere along the path I had 6 children and life got a little busy...
When I started blogging, I wrote about things like spilled milkshake on the kitchen floor and funny little things my daughter did.
Then everyone grew up quite a bit...including my trials. I think I miss the spilled milkshakes.
I lost my parents. Not at a significantly young age. My mom passed at 63 (I was 35) and my dad passed at 69 (I was 38). But I certainly was not ready to let go of them. My friend's mom died in her 90's and I remember her telling me after my mom passed, "It is never ok to be in this world without your parents. We are all going to die one day, but it is never ok."
Honestly, I found comfort in those words and I have come back to them again and again. Giving me the permission that she was giving me...to grieve when I needed to, to miss them when each Christmas or holiday or milestone of my children came and went without their physical presence in our lives was crucial to embracing the future. People told me it will be ok. They told me it will hurt less eventually. They told me lots of things. But I think the thing I always come back to is that sweet friend that told me the truth... It will never be ok.
I tell my children often that life is NOT fair. If I had a nickel for every time one of them said "THAT'S NOT FAIR"...well, Bill Gates wouldn't have anything on me. Maybe the teaching opportunities are more valuable than all the nickels in the world. So I try to teach them that indeed, Life is NOT fair. It is NOT remotely fair according to our limited vision. Good people die. Mean people thrive and if all this life was about was living a long and easy life, then it would be undeniably NOT FAIR.
However, I don't believe the "SOUL" purpose of our existence is to have "pleasure". I believe our purposes are found in experiencing JOY. And joy cannot exist without sorrow to define it. To know the sweet, we must taste the bitter. To know the joy of warm chocolate chip cookies one must have tasted a lemon or two to fully appreciate the contrast.
Such has been my life. I have a TERRIBLE sweet tooth. I love chocolate and candy in general. And in the metaphor I present... I LOVE THE BLESSINGS! I LOVE THE TENDER MERCIES! Those sweet joys that are poured down from the Lord fill up my soul and I have never been so satisfied in my sweet cravings as I am when blessed from above. And yet, I have seen over the last 7 years that the joys and the trials go hand in hand. They walk with me together. Trials are not all evil. It is not like the contrast between the good and the bad. I can choose good things or bad things in life. I can choose how I will live. But I cannot choose my trials. Whether they are hand picked for me, or a product of choices and paths I choose, I am not sure of. But this I know, many of my trials have led to the sources of my greatest JOYS.
Those who know us personally, know that my family went through the loss of two early pregnancies, filled with a desire to bring a sixth child into our home. After these we thought the miracle had arrived. We were pregnant the third time. Through some testing we learned that a boy was coming and he had Down syndrome. When the initial shock wore off we planned, prepared, got excited, prayed for his health and arrival. Little David permeated our hearts every day from the day we knew he was a boy. Then all our hopes were dashed away. And David died. My heart broke.
David's middle name is Tayten. It means Beautiful Joy. And his short little life cultivated a new definition of Joy for me. The Joy of David increased with the trial. I became grateful for every kick and movement of his little body in a way I can't even explain. There were tender mercies that the doctors could not explain either. We could feel David outside my body from 13 weeks until his death at 17 weeks. The more I felt him, the more I loved him. And I think it was God's way of letting me know my angel was REAL, he existed, and his mire existence brought me Joy. Tears, Yes! But Joy.
When he passed my heart could not take that kind of pain again. We were literally stuck between the fear of the excruciating pain repeating itself and the hope of one more joyful baby. No baby could take David's place, his soul was impressed upon our hearts. However, we still felt the desire for a last child in our home.
The lemonade of this part of my life didn't taste like lemonade at all. It tasted like lemon juice. And as I laid in bed with crocodile tears pouring down many nights the month after David's passing, I wondered how life would ever be ok again. Then a new miracle came, born of the grief, the trial and the sorrow of David's passing. I cannot begin to express the miracles that led to adopting our Down Syndrome daughter. There are so many and some are so sacred. But someday I will tell more about that. What I have learned is that God has a sweet tooth too. He wants us to taste of the Joys of this life. He wants us to appreciate, even the small blessings...like little David's early movements that confirmed to us he was there. But if all God gave us was candy, it would be like feeding your children sweets for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There would be no growth, literally their growth would be stunted. There would be cavities. Holes would be in their lives, holes that can only be filled by learning from the trials and the sorrow. And none of us could really grow to be all we can and should be...with a bit of the sour, sometimes more than a bit.
So I am thankful for the lemon juice in my life. I am also very grateful when God pours down the sugar and makes it lemonade. For me, it has been the great balance of my life. And I have found that often the bitter and the sweet blend together like a symphony. They are what makes my ordinary life, extraordinary.
No one can make you bitter.
No one can make you sweet.
It is a choice. Make it a great day!
When I started blogging, I wrote about things like spilled milkshake on the kitchen floor and funny little things my daughter did.
Then everyone grew up quite a bit...including my trials. I think I miss the spilled milkshakes.
I lost my parents. Not at a significantly young age. My mom passed at 63 (I was 35) and my dad passed at 69 (I was 38). But I certainly was not ready to let go of them. My friend's mom died in her 90's and I remember her telling me after my mom passed, "It is never ok to be in this world without your parents. We are all going to die one day, but it is never ok."
Honestly, I found comfort in those words and I have come back to them again and again. Giving me the permission that she was giving me...to grieve when I needed to, to miss them when each Christmas or holiday or milestone of my children came and went without their physical presence in our lives was crucial to embracing the future. People told me it will be ok. They told me it will hurt less eventually. They told me lots of things. But I think the thing I always come back to is that sweet friend that told me the truth... It will never be ok.
I tell my children often that life is NOT fair. If I had a nickel for every time one of them said "THAT'S NOT FAIR"...well, Bill Gates wouldn't have anything on me. Maybe the teaching opportunities are more valuable than all the nickels in the world. So I try to teach them that indeed, Life is NOT fair. It is NOT remotely fair according to our limited vision. Good people die. Mean people thrive and if all this life was about was living a long and easy life, then it would be undeniably NOT FAIR.
However, I don't believe the "SOUL" purpose of our existence is to have "pleasure". I believe our purposes are found in experiencing JOY. And joy cannot exist without sorrow to define it. To know the sweet, we must taste the bitter. To know the joy of warm chocolate chip cookies one must have tasted a lemon or two to fully appreciate the contrast.
Such has been my life. I have a TERRIBLE sweet tooth. I love chocolate and candy in general. And in the metaphor I present... I LOVE THE BLESSINGS! I LOVE THE TENDER MERCIES! Those sweet joys that are poured down from the Lord fill up my soul and I have never been so satisfied in my sweet cravings as I am when blessed from above. And yet, I have seen over the last 7 years that the joys and the trials go hand in hand. They walk with me together. Trials are not all evil. It is not like the contrast between the good and the bad. I can choose good things or bad things in life. I can choose how I will live. But I cannot choose my trials. Whether they are hand picked for me, or a product of choices and paths I choose, I am not sure of. But this I know, many of my trials have led to the sources of my greatest JOYS.
Those who know us personally, know that my family went through the loss of two early pregnancies, filled with a desire to bring a sixth child into our home. After these we thought the miracle had arrived. We were pregnant the third time. Through some testing we learned that a boy was coming and he had Down syndrome. When the initial shock wore off we planned, prepared, got excited, prayed for his health and arrival. Little David permeated our hearts every day from the day we knew he was a boy. Then all our hopes were dashed away. And David died. My heart broke.
David's middle name is Tayten. It means Beautiful Joy. And his short little life cultivated a new definition of Joy for me. The Joy of David increased with the trial. I became grateful for every kick and movement of his little body in a way I can't even explain. There were tender mercies that the doctors could not explain either. We could feel David outside my body from 13 weeks until his death at 17 weeks. The more I felt him, the more I loved him. And I think it was God's way of letting me know my angel was REAL, he existed, and his mire existence brought me Joy. Tears, Yes! But Joy.
When he passed my heart could not take that kind of pain again. We were literally stuck between the fear of the excruciating pain repeating itself and the hope of one more joyful baby. No baby could take David's place, his soul was impressed upon our hearts. However, we still felt the desire for a last child in our home.
The lemonade of this part of my life didn't taste like lemonade at all. It tasted like lemon juice. And as I laid in bed with crocodile tears pouring down many nights the month after David's passing, I wondered how life would ever be ok again. Then a new miracle came, born of the grief, the trial and the sorrow of David's passing. I cannot begin to express the miracles that led to adopting our Down Syndrome daughter. There are so many and some are so sacred. But someday I will tell more about that. What I have learned is that God has a sweet tooth too. He wants us to taste of the Joys of this life. He wants us to appreciate, even the small blessings...like little David's early movements that confirmed to us he was there. But if all God gave us was candy, it would be like feeding your children sweets for breakfast, lunch and dinner. There would be no growth, literally their growth would be stunted. There would be cavities. Holes would be in their lives, holes that can only be filled by learning from the trials and the sorrow. And none of us could really grow to be all we can and should be...with a bit of the sour, sometimes more than a bit.
So I am thankful for the lemon juice in my life. I am also very grateful when God pours down the sugar and makes it lemonade. For me, it has been the great balance of my life. And I have found that often the bitter and the sweet blend together like a symphony. They are what makes my ordinary life, extraordinary.
No one can make you bitter.
No one can make you sweet.
It is a choice. Make it a great day!
An Ordinary Mom
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Growing pains...
**(update March 7, 2013...I posted this on the wrong blog...so I left a copy here and posted on http://becomingthebutterflyproject.blogspot.com/2013/03/growing-pains.html)
This whole blog ( I have a couple blogs I write when I fancy doing so), but this whole blog has been my journey in becoming. It began at birth, though I didn't start writing then ;) I think I really started embracing the process after losing my mother and 3 short years later, my father. I am becoming these amazing things, I always was, but now purpose and drive are fueling the fire.
Losing both parents before 40 has made me evaluate many things. I am realizing some of their weaknesses that I just glassed over with Rose Colored lenses. Coupled with this has come the epiphany that I am realizing some of their strengths that I NEVER gave them credit for in this life. I am less hard on others since their loss. And becoming less hard on myself.
I am breathing more, smelling more roses (Thank you C.T.R... for helping me learn to do that when we were working at EHS for A.V.I.D... I bet you didn't even know the lesson literally stuck, but it did), I am reading more, laughing more, and having spontaneous water fights with my children. I am gardening. I remember endless hours of my mother stooped over some dirt, digging and shoveling, weeding and planting. And I thought, "Good for her, but that will NEVER be for me."
When she passed she wanted me to promise we would plant sweet peas with the children, and I assured her my Darling Husband would. However when I lost her I seemed to recognize the value of her stooped over, digging and planting. I learned over the last couple of years that when growing gardens, cultivating plants is not the only growth that occurs. As my hands mix the soil, as I water, and watch, prepare and nurture...miracles spring forth. And just like raising our children...some of those seeds don't do just what we want, some take longer to sprout, some refuse to in general and all of them have a mind of their own. There are early bloomers and late bloomers and everything in between.
Life is full of growing pains. We are experiencing the growing pains that accompany the transition from age 11 to age 12, of hormones, of the onset of puberty... ummm.... this is NOT fun! But it IS part of becoming. As I suffer through these days of fluctuating between being the greatest and worst person in the world (nearly daily) in my daughters eyes, I have gained a new respect for me parents and how beautifully they helped navigate me through those difficult and stretching years. I wish they were here so I could say how many times I was wrong, and how sorry I am. I can see it now far more clearly. Funny how smart our parents often get as we get older. No rose glasses here, I assure you they had as many weaknesses as I do (and the list is long), but the journey in discovering their wisdom has been rewarding too.
Make it a great day! Only you can!
This whole blog ( I have a couple blogs I write when I fancy doing so), but this whole blog has been my journey in becoming. It began at birth, though I didn't start writing then ;) I think I really started embracing the process after losing my mother and 3 short years later, my father. I am becoming these amazing things, I always was, but now purpose and drive are fueling the fire.
Losing both parents before 40 has made me evaluate many things. I am realizing some of their weaknesses that I just glassed over with Rose Colored lenses. Coupled with this has come the epiphany that I am realizing some of their strengths that I NEVER gave them credit for in this life. I am less hard on others since their loss. And becoming less hard on myself.
I am breathing more, smelling more roses (Thank you C.T.R... for helping me learn to do that when we were working at EHS for A.V.I.D... I bet you didn't even know the lesson literally stuck, but it did), I am reading more, laughing more, and having spontaneous water fights with my children. I am gardening. I remember endless hours of my mother stooped over some dirt, digging and shoveling, weeding and planting. And I thought, "Good for her, but that will NEVER be for me."
When she passed she wanted me to promise we would plant sweet peas with the children, and I assured her my Darling Husband would. However when I lost her I seemed to recognize the value of her stooped over, digging and planting. I learned over the last couple of years that when growing gardens, cultivating plants is not the only growth that occurs. As my hands mix the soil, as I water, and watch, prepare and nurture...miracles spring forth. And just like raising our children...some of those seeds don't do just what we want, some take longer to sprout, some refuse to in general and all of them have a mind of their own. There are early bloomers and late bloomers and everything in between.
Life is full of growing pains. We are experiencing the growing pains that accompany the transition from age 11 to age 12, of hormones, of the onset of puberty... ummm.... this is NOT fun! But it IS part of becoming. As I suffer through these days of fluctuating between being the greatest and worst person in the world (nearly daily) in my daughters eyes, I have gained a new respect for me parents and how beautifully they helped navigate me through those difficult and stretching years. I wish they were here so I could say how many times I was wrong, and how sorry I am. I can see it now far more clearly. Funny how smart our parents often get as we get older. No rose glasses here, I assure you they had as many weaknesses as I do (and the list is long), but the journey in discovering their wisdom has been rewarding too.
Make it a great day! Only you can!
Sunday, February 17, 2013
The Suit Makes the Man...
The SUIT makes the man...
Before today I was not so sure I bought into this old adage at all. But I am a woman, and I do LOVE a cute new pair of shoes from time to time (like monthly).
So when my 7 year old son begged and pleaded for a Sunday suit I wondered, "Why? Why does a 7 year old boy need, or even want (for that matter) to wear a suit to church." My husband wears his suit each week, and I know he would prefer dockers and a T-shirt at times. But I will confess I love to admire my sweetheart in a well fitted suit. There is something so handsome, so gentlemanly about it. I know, it isn't for everyone, and some men might never be caught dead (well maybe just dead) in one. Regardless, here was my little guy doing all he could to convince me that he "needed" one.
This did lead me to wonder if it was just to be like his dad. But the answer came in the isle of Kohls as we tried on suit jackets. He said, "Please mom? Please, please get it? I will wear it. If I get it, I can act like a daddy. I can be like Daddy. I will be able to listen and pay attention. I promise."
These are BIG words coming from a wormy, squirmy 7 year old. But what mother can resist them when little boy suits are 30% off, she has an additional 30% off that coupon in her pocket and his sweet little eyes are pleading his case. So I caved and my husband thought $42 on a little boy's church clothes was nothing short of ridiculous. He thought that until...Noon today.
Because today, for the first time since his birth...my wormy and squirmy son listened to every word of the sabbath day message with our family. Then he went to his Sunday School class where I happen to know he continued to listen to every word. I know this, because I am his teacher! And then he was on to the final children's meeting where he sang, listened and paid attention the WHOLE TIME!
Before leaving today the thought had come into my mind: "The suit makes the man." I have heard it a hundred times. I sat the 3 older children down and we talked about what that means. For any interview I have ever gone to I dressed, not for the job I wanted, but for my future boss's job. The clothes do NOT make the man. I really believe they DO NOT. However, a suit really can level the playing field. It can make a person elevate their behavior, their attitude. Today I saw greatness in my little 7 year old man. He really wanted to listen. And he believed that with that suit on he would be able to listen. Maybe it was the suit for him. It was miraculous to watch the change. I mean, Superman put on a suit provided by his mother and he could fly. Today my boy flew! Witnessing it makes me so grateful that I didn't say no last night at the begging and pleading of my little boy. He actually isn't such a little boy anymore. I think he is growing up.
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Before today I was not so sure I bought into this old adage at all. But I am a woman, and I do LOVE a cute new pair of shoes from time to time (like monthly).
So when my 7 year old son begged and pleaded for a Sunday suit I wondered, "Why? Why does a 7 year old boy need, or even want (for that matter) to wear a suit to church." My husband wears his suit each week, and I know he would prefer dockers and a T-shirt at times. But I will confess I love to admire my sweetheart in a well fitted suit. There is something so handsome, so gentlemanly about it. I know, it isn't for everyone, and some men might never be caught dead (well maybe just dead) in one. Regardless, here was my little guy doing all he could to convince me that he "needed" one.
This did lead me to wonder if it was just to be like his dad. But the answer came in the isle of Kohls as we tried on suit jackets. He said, "Please mom? Please, please get it? I will wear it. If I get it, I can act like a daddy. I can be like Daddy. I will be able to listen and pay attention. I promise."
These are BIG words coming from a wormy, squirmy 7 year old. But what mother can resist them when little boy suits are 30% off, she has an additional 30% off that coupon in her pocket and his sweet little eyes are pleading his case. So I caved and my husband thought $42 on a little boy's church clothes was nothing short of ridiculous. He thought that until...Noon today.
Because today, for the first time since his birth...my wormy and squirmy son listened to every word of the sabbath day message with our family. Then he went to his Sunday School class where I happen to know he continued to listen to every word. I know this, because I am his teacher! And then he was on to the final children's meeting where he sang, listened and paid attention the WHOLE TIME!
Before leaving today the thought had come into my mind: "The suit makes the man." I have heard it a hundred times. I sat the 3 older children down and we talked about what that means. For any interview I have ever gone to I dressed, not for the job I wanted, but for my future boss's job. The clothes do NOT make the man. I really believe they DO NOT. However, a suit really can level the playing field. It can make a person elevate their behavior, their attitude. Today I saw greatness in my little 7 year old man. He really wanted to listen. And he believed that with that suit on he would be able to listen. Maybe it was the suit for him. It was miraculous to watch the change. I mean, Superman put on a suit provided by his mother and he could fly. Today my boy flew! Witnessing it makes me so grateful that I didn't say no last night at the begging and pleading of my little boy. He actually isn't such a little boy anymore. I think he is growing up.
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Love Yourself Part 2
Ok...it's Monday Morning...I had a lovely weekend and now I am just getting back to this post.
If you would like to read my Tender Mercies 1, 2 and 3 and find out the first half of this story go to the previous post...
Notes From Stephanie Neilson's Talk at Time Out For Women (forgive me...this is not word for word, and I am sure I will get somethings wrong...but I did try to get every word and feeling she conveyed as I wrote like lightning)
I count my accident a blessing and Divine. In August of 2008 I was in a plane crash that left me burned over 80% of my body. In this Time Out for Women conference the theme is Choosing to Become.
My Story, My Accident, My Life, My Recovery
After the accident, the first thing I had to choose was to recover. Burns are a hard and painful road. But YOU decide how this story is going to end for YOU. It REALLY hurt, I was really sick, I wanted to die.
But I remembered who I was. I had a husband, children and a Heavenly Father. A couple months into the recovery something happened. Christian (her husband) would come at night to see me and help me with the bedtime routine which was difficult. But this particular night the nurse came in and said called and was not coming. He could not come, the roads were closed. I did not know how I could get through the night without him. Then I looked out the window of my room and snow was falling. As I watched the snow I thought of happy memories in the snow before my accident. I thought of what it felt like to be happy. I put ALL my trust in the Lord...through my prayers. He'll take care of me. This was my first time alone. But I was not alone. HE was with me. I CHOSE to be Happy. Choices are OURS. Heavenly Father gives us those choices.
I CHOSE to be HAPPY!
I had to choose to remember my divine potential. I'm still a wife and mother. I had to remember who I am. I had to choose to become a mother again. For 5 months I did not look at myself. I didn't want to be 'ugly'. I didn't look at myself and I didn't as ANYONE what I looked like. I still had not seen my children and they wanted to see me so much. The doctor said, "they want to see you, but they can't see you until you see yourself." **Here Stephanie talked of the guilt she felt as a mother. She blamed herself for going on that plane ride. Though to the outside eye it seems ridiculous that she could find any fault in her accident. She did and it was part of her painful recovery to deal with it.
She decided "It is time to see who I've become. Christian brought her a mirror, but she wanted to do this alone and had him leave. Everything was bruised, and unrecognizable until she got to her eyes. She said they were the ONLY thing she could recognize. They were the same. I saw God in my eyes. And I felt Him say...Everything is fine. You're beautiful to me.
I saw my eyes. It was a long road, but I knew I could get there.
Now I look at people's eyes. It is a gift I have been given since the accident. I tell my children to look people in the eyes.
The children came. I had no hair, scraps, scares and burns. My daughter was so scared she told her sister "You don't want to go in there". I was so emotional and sad. They left. I felt like a monster again. I had been defined as a mother before the accident. It was going to take time and lots of patience.
I had to choose to be a mother again.
My choice to be a mother and to be the one to teach them was something I had always wanted. I had always wanted to be one. But it took time, lots of time. Everything was a big deal. Zipping a jacket, opening my hands, using my fingers, reading a book, making lunches for the children, Stuffing carrots in ziploc bags... It is the GREATEST THING!
It is the small and simple things you do every day. You would miss them. Think...these little jobs are BEAUTIFUL!
As women, we are the nurturing type. I am so grateful and honored to have that feeling of wife and mother back.
NOW...choose to be happy.
There were times...
I wish I had the energy but I didn't/don't...She talked about the pain and pain meds to help with it. I had to choose to be happy. What are the things that make me be happy? It's OK to love ourselves. I can give more to my husband, children and family members when I love myself!
* You can give more to those YOU love, when you love yourself.
Elder Holland was going to give me a blessing. He was so kind, so sweet to me. He told me I was so beautiful I should be on the cover of a magazine. He spoke of the Savior Jesus Christ. He said that when the Savior comes again we will look for the nail marks in His hands. He then said... these are your outward scares. This to you is YOUR trial. You lived through something and now you are making a new life for yourself. They are a reminder But they don't bother me as much anymore.
NOW I SEE ME!!! At 19 I wanted to get married, have a family. When I chose to live it was SO much harder...but it was SO MUCH MORE WORTH IT!
I am someone who is so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. This accident wasn't an 'accident' at all. It was part of my life and I chose, I am going to make the best of it. Everybody hurts, feels pain, sadness. We have all the tools to overcome them. With the right tools and attitude we can overcome anything.
After the accident the plane was on fire and I was in my seatbelt. I didn't think I was going to make it. My second thought was This is it, the end of my life. It is only going to hurt 5 more minutes, but then I'll see grandma. I was scared and I didn't think I could do it.
THAT MOMENT...
I felt something. I know there is a Heavenly Father and Savior and a plan. He told me it wasn't my time. I found hard. I was able to get out of the airplane.
If you are struggling with your testimony I want to say... "It's true, there is divine power. You can pray and get answers. I DID get out.
Choosing NOW...
Choose now to make those relationships with those you love better. When I was heading down in the crash in disbelief there was no one to make up with. I saw my little children, happy. My relationships are good.
WHAT are your relationships like with those you love? If you die do loved ones know how much you love them?
CHOOSE all the things in life that will help you. Above all, I have a testimony of Jesus Christ. There is a plan. He loves you, He knows you, by name.
I almost left...I wasn't ready to go.
It is important to be nurturing, loving, caring. Love your daughters and prepare and love your sons. I am so grateful for my testimony. I am so thankful for my testimony. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father keeps His promises. I am GRATEFUL for the temple. I am grateful I can still have children.
Now... I am just CHOOSING to become ME. Whatever ME is, is good enough, because Heavenly Father is telling me it is okay to be ME!
In my notes I wrote:
"Today was a miracle. Nothing short of a miracle. Thank you Father for loving ME, Christine, your daughter, and individual. How you do it, all of it I don't know. But I love you. I love your Son. My Father, thank you, thank you for loving me. For saving me from my doubts, fears and weaknesses."
After losing my parents the past couple years, I had gone to this conference more than a little broken. Having, in my life lost so many people that I love to death...I was figuratively shaking my fists at the heavens and figuratively asking ARE YOU SERIOUS???!!! but Stephanie's testimony and emergence from the heart ache of her trial has renewed my faith in His perfect plan. Though I don't understand it all now. I know in the end, I will be eternally grateful.
The way that this individual (Stephanie) was able to reach ME...something God, my Heavenly Father of course was well aware of... is nothing short of a miracle...and it was my Tender Mercy #4...and it happened before 11am in the morning.
When Stephanie was done I wanted to stand and applaud her...but mostly I wish my spirit could have conveyed to her spirit the immense gratitude I was feeling for her. I did stand, and so did many women...but she was going to the back of the stage because she had another engagement she had to be at. For a moment I thought she might not turn around, and silently I thought, please let her see...as all this was happening in just a few seconds more and more women were standing to their feet and the applause continued. She turned and I believe the room of 5,000 women were up, applauding the life, the courage, the faith of this ONE woman, who is through her testimony CHANGING lives. It was a miracle of the 5,000...and I know the Savior watches over Stephanie and is pleased with the "ME" she is becoming. As she saw the love we had for her...that was my Tender Mercy #5...and all before Lunch!
I am choosing to become ME...and actually I already like myself quite a bit! :)
I am choosing to become ME...and actually I already like myself quite a bit! :)
*Check back...I will be posting more notes from this wonderful weekend.
Life is short and precious. Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Love Yourself...
I have missed blogging consistently since this summer. I think the death of my dad just 3 1/2 years after my mom hit my like a train wreak. I was really not prepared for the loop it threw me and I feel out of sorts most days. Christmas was always special at my house growing up. Mom made it that way. And for me They...my parents were such a huge part of what Christmas is for me. They taught us about Christ, the spirit of giving, loving everyone, and yes...unconditionally. They reached out, lifted up, and were "Secret Santa" to several families over the years. They taught us and we have spread that to our children...and hopefully they will spread it to their own. Needless to say this Christmas has been a bit of a struggle for me. I guess that is why I tried to do something really special for my siblings...simple, but special. I await Christmas now with great anticipation! It is that feeling of excitement I imagine mom had the year she bought me my new set of scriptures that I had my heart set on...a present at 17 that was so important to me. I couldn't wait to have them and they have lasted me all these years. Like my life they are marked up, a little worn, tattered at the edges and general well used. The marks and the scratches don't make them less valuable to me though. I think God sees us that way too. So often I am my worst critic...my biggest judge, I am so hard on myself. Anyone relate???
The other day I was sitting at my computer and I was reading thoughts and quotes on pinterest. Then I had a thought... "Love yourself where you are at, but don't settle for that as the final draft."
Before I go on I have a confession. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to sneak away to Utah and stay downtown in a hotel to attend the Time Out for women conference. I feel bad that I didn't see any family. But the conference was just what I needed. It was a chance to jump start my heart again. I needed a little push. I needed to hear... "You are going to be ok, this is life. This trial will pass. And rest assured another will be around the corner. But that is ok too. You are strong, you've got this!" I have decided for the next few posts to share my notes and some insights in my weekend away. Maybe it will be a shot in the arm that you needed too.
I believe in tender mercies. I believe that the Lord is very mindful of us personally. I am not going to share the events of my weekend in order. Instead I am jumping to Saturday morning to share my tender mercy. Saturday I woke up early with my friend that I convinced to sneak away too. We will call her Ethel for annonimity. We ate breakfast quickly and headed out the door. As I walked with her to the elevator I looked up and set my eyes on the woman in front of me. I knew her. Now I had been ducking my head all night Friday, hoping not to run into anyone from Utah that might be mad at me for not letting them know I was in town. But I had looked up...and there she was Sister Stephanie Neilson. I don't know her personally. She doesn't know me from 'Adam'. But I know of her. Some of my family follow her blog. She is a member of the same church I attend. I had watched a Mormon Messages segment about her story some time ago and have read her blog on occasion. I was an idiot as I stood there in awe. She was with her husband and all I kept thinking was this wonderful, beautiful woman has helped me deal with the most painful losses of my life...my parents. I rambled to her about how very grateful I was for her, what an inspiration she was, that I loved her, I asked permission and then hugged her. I said to her husband, I am sure you are wonderful too, but she is my inspiration... He replied in the sweetest tone, She is mine too. I told her how my sister followed her blog and would be so jealous that I got to see her in person. She has been known to speak of her beautiful eyes and they are beautiful. But what I noticed was her smile. She had the most kind and lovely smile. We shared some small talk in the elevator. I was really star struck, like some dumb teenager. As I stood in awe of this most powerful and wonderful woman I even said, You are like a celebrity. She laughed and said I don't think so. I said, Not in the bad way, but in all the wonderful, inspirational, changed my life ways. She smiled. (Tender Mercy #1)
Stephanie is a burn victim. She and her husband were in a plane crash. The crash nearly took her life and she was burned over 80% of her body. Her courage and strength have been a lighthouse to me since the first day I learned about her. I am so grateful for her strength, love, kindness, goodness and testimony. Her strength and faith in Christ has help my heart through some pretty sad moments over the past couple years. Her story is definitely worth your eight minutes to see...take the time. You can click my link if you want to watch a large version, or I have embeded the video below.
So my first tender mercy of the morning was my small brush with inspiration. Because I have watched her life a bit I didn't want to be rude and ask for a picture of this everyday EXTRAordinary hero. So she went on and so did my friend and I. We crossed the street to our conference. And as we were sitting in seats my friend's cousin scored us rather close to the front I looked over and a few rows away I saw Stephanie again. She was standing with a group of women and her husband was to the side. My friend said, don't miss your chance. So I went and asked him if it would be ok to ask for a picture with her. When he saw me he said "You again?" and he smiled...looking back on this event I chuckle a little...opps... I hope I didn't seem like a stalker. He took the picture for me...then I hugged her and whispered in her ear...Thank you, I lost both my parents in the past 3 1/2 years and you have been such an inspiration and help to me. She smiled that million dollar smile again and said thank you for sharing that with me. That was tender mercy #2. And it wasn't even 9am.
The conference began and speakers were announced. Then the director got up. She said she was sad to explain that one of the presenters was home with her husband who was very ill. The Time Out For Women team had counseled as to what they could do to fill the time. They had invited a guest speaker. They introduced her with this video presentation from Sister Hilary Weeks called Beautiful Heartbreak. You can follow the link or you can watch it below. If you haven't seen it, push play...but first get some tissue.
Immediately I knew that it was tender mercy #3...Stephanie was not 'just' there, she was there to speak to us. And I want to share what she shared. Now forgive me...it won't be word for word and will lose some of its power in translation I am sure. But still I hope some of it can touch you the way it touched me. I can truly say it was life changing....
(Notes to follow...it is getting late ;)
The other day I was sitting at my computer and I was reading thoughts and quotes on pinterest. Then I had a thought... "Love yourself where you are at, but don't settle for that as the final draft."
Before I go on I have a confession. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to sneak away to Utah and stay downtown in a hotel to attend the Time Out for women conference. I feel bad that I didn't see any family. But the conference was just what I needed. It was a chance to jump start my heart again. I needed a little push. I needed to hear... "You are going to be ok, this is life. This trial will pass. And rest assured another will be around the corner. But that is ok too. You are strong, you've got this!" I have decided for the next few posts to share my notes and some insights in my weekend away. Maybe it will be a shot in the arm that you needed too.
I believe in tender mercies. I believe that the Lord is very mindful of us personally. I am not going to share the events of my weekend in order. Instead I am jumping to Saturday morning to share my tender mercy. Saturday I woke up early with my friend that I convinced to sneak away too. We will call her Ethel for annonimity. We ate breakfast quickly and headed out the door. As I walked with her to the elevator I looked up and set my eyes on the woman in front of me. I knew her. Now I had been ducking my head all night Friday, hoping not to run into anyone from Utah that might be mad at me for not letting them know I was in town. But I had looked up...and there she was Sister Stephanie Neilson. I don't know her personally. She doesn't know me from 'Adam'. But I know of her. Some of my family follow her blog. She is a member of the same church I attend. I had watched a Mormon Messages segment about her story some time ago and have read her blog on occasion. I was an idiot as I stood there in awe. She was with her husband and all I kept thinking was this wonderful, beautiful woman has helped me deal with the most painful losses of my life...my parents. I rambled to her about how very grateful I was for her, what an inspiration she was, that I loved her, I asked permission and then hugged her. I said to her husband, I am sure you are wonderful too, but she is my inspiration... He replied in the sweetest tone, She is mine too. I told her how my sister followed her blog and would be so jealous that I got to see her in person. She has been known to speak of her beautiful eyes and they are beautiful. But what I noticed was her smile. She had the most kind and lovely smile. We shared some small talk in the elevator. I was really star struck, like some dumb teenager. As I stood in awe of this most powerful and wonderful woman I even said, You are like a celebrity. She laughed and said I don't think so. I said, Not in the bad way, but in all the wonderful, inspirational, changed my life ways. She smiled. (Tender Mercy #1)
Stephanie is a burn victim. She and her husband were in a plane crash. The crash nearly took her life and she was burned over 80% of her body. Her courage and strength have been a lighthouse to me since the first day I learned about her. I am so grateful for her strength, love, kindness, goodness and testimony. Her strength and faith in Christ has help my heart through some pretty sad moments over the past couple years. Her story is definitely worth your eight minutes to see...take the time. You can click my link if you want to watch a large version, or I have embeded the video below.
So my first tender mercy of the morning was my small brush with inspiration. Because I have watched her life a bit I didn't want to be rude and ask for a picture of this everyday EXTRAordinary hero. So she went on and so did my friend and I. We crossed the street to our conference. And as we were sitting in seats my friend's cousin scored us rather close to the front I looked over and a few rows away I saw Stephanie again. She was standing with a group of women and her husband was to the side. My friend said, don't miss your chance. So I went and asked him if it would be ok to ask for a picture with her. When he saw me he said "You again?" and he smiled...looking back on this event I chuckle a little...opps... I hope I didn't seem like a stalker. He took the picture for me...then I hugged her and whispered in her ear...Thank you, I lost both my parents in the past 3 1/2 years and you have been such an inspiration and help to me. She smiled that million dollar smile again and said thank you for sharing that with me. That was tender mercy #2. And it wasn't even 9am.
The conference began and speakers were announced. Then the director got up. She said she was sad to explain that one of the presenters was home with her husband who was very ill. The Time Out For Women team had counseled as to what they could do to fill the time. They had invited a guest speaker. They introduced her with this video presentation from Sister Hilary Weeks called Beautiful Heartbreak. You can follow the link or you can watch it below. If you haven't seen it, push play...but first get some tissue.
Immediately I knew that it was tender mercy #3...Stephanie was not 'just' there, she was there to speak to us. And I want to share what she shared. Now forgive me...it won't be word for word and will lose some of its power in translation I am sure. But still I hope some of it can touch you the way it touched me. I can truly say it was life changing....
(Notes to follow...it is getting late ;)
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Happy Birthday!!! DL!
I have been blessed with so many amazing and wonderful friends. I feel gratitude for the bounty the Lord has provided in the friend department.
Today is my amazing friend D.L.'s birthday.
She has been through so much with me. She loves me inspite of my craziness and my crazed and hair brain ideas. She supports me, lifts me, helps me, loves me, strengthens me, teaches me, sustains me, feeds me (literally and emotionally). She makes the killer, best in the world (though I will take applicants...but I am pretty sure you can't beat her...) Chocolate Chip Cookies. She is FUN! Really she reminded me about having fun. I grew up with really fun sisters (I have always been a little uptight) but my sisters live so far away. She has been that sister for me. Now she lives far away too and that makes me sad (do I smell? People keep moving far away...even my youngest brother moved this year). Anyway, she has been that sister for me, not just a sister, a sister in Christ...the one that builds and lifts me. The one that keeps me on the right path. The one that helps me stick to my dreams even when I don't think I can accomplish them.
I thank her mother for the gift she gave the world when she brought D.L. into it! She has helped, served, sacrificed, given so much for so many. Often she goes unappreciated, and this always makes me feel sad. But I appreciate and love her very much. My husband has never had an easy time with my family...don't get me wrong...he loves them all. But my family didn't all come together the traditional way. And so it has taken some years for him to get used to them. But D.L. has been 'family' for me in every sense of the word. She has watched my children when I needed to run errands, or have a baby. She has painted my big pregnant belly and assured me it isn't the biggest belly she's ever seen in her life (though I know it was ;) She has taken my children in her arms and hugged, loved and kissed them as if they are her own. I love her. She took awhile to get used to MUSHY, GUSHY, LOVEY me ;) But I think I have rubbed off on her a little. I know she has rubbed off on me. I trust more. I am more patient. I am more fun. I am more free spirited. I take better pictures. I LIVE more!
I love you D.L. I love you, just the way you are! I love what you have helped me to become! You are among the truest and best of friends that I have had in my life. For you I am grateful every day!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ethel!!! You're the Best!!! Love, Lucy ;)
I hope it was a great one!
(Sorry I couldn't call...I was watching 11 kids...something I never could have done before I knew you! ;)
Life is precious and short! Make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!~
Today is my amazing friend D.L.'s birthday.
She has been through so much with me. She loves me inspite of my craziness and my crazed and hair brain ideas. She supports me, lifts me, helps me, loves me, strengthens me, teaches me, sustains me, feeds me (literally and emotionally). She makes the killer, best in the world (though I will take applicants...but I am pretty sure you can't beat her...) Chocolate Chip Cookies. She is FUN! Really she reminded me about having fun. I grew up with really fun sisters (I have always been a little uptight) but my sisters live so far away. She has been that sister for me. Now she lives far away too and that makes me sad (do I smell? People keep moving far away...even my youngest brother moved this year). Anyway, she has been that sister for me, not just a sister, a sister in Christ...the one that builds and lifts me. The one that keeps me on the right path. The one that helps me stick to my dreams even when I don't think I can accomplish them.
I thank her mother for the gift she gave the world when she brought D.L. into it! She has helped, served, sacrificed, given so much for so many. Often she goes unappreciated, and this always makes me feel sad. But I appreciate and love her very much. My husband has never had an easy time with my family...don't get me wrong...he loves them all. But my family didn't all come together the traditional way. And so it has taken some years for him to get used to them. But D.L. has been 'family' for me in every sense of the word. She has watched my children when I needed to run errands, or have a baby. She has painted my big pregnant belly and assured me it isn't the biggest belly she's ever seen in her life (though I know it was ;) She has taken my children in her arms and hugged, loved and kissed them as if they are her own. I love her. She took awhile to get used to MUSHY, GUSHY, LOVEY me ;) But I think I have rubbed off on her a little. I know she has rubbed off on me. I trust more. I am more patient. I am more fun. I am more free spirited. I take better pictures. I LIVE more!
I love you D.L. I love you, just the way you are! I love what you have helped me to become! You are among the truest and best of friends that I have had in my life. For you I am grateful every day!
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY Ethel!!! You're the Best!!! Love, Lucy ;)
I hope it was a great one!
(Sorry I couldn't call...I was watching 11 kids...something I never could have done before I knew you! ;)
Life is precious and short! Make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!~
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
It's Chili out here...
Today it rained...not just a drizzle...but a down pour. This did not work into our plans well. Today we had places to go and important people to see and making Chili at 9 am was NOT in my plans. But you see I was raised by a TRADITION LOVIN' Mama! Our mother had traditions for everything, special plate, Special colored ribbons and brown paper packages at Christmas, special treats...German Chocolate Cake was mine, Frozen Pineapples for one sister, another sister loved when mom would pop some popcorn in the skillet with Butter (yea, back before people freaked out about butter) on the stove in a cast iron skillet...2 Christmas Trees, Decorations for Holidays (Valentine's Day, Easter, St. Patricks, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas...and others if she thought of them!)...and then there was RAINY DAY CHILI. Rainy Day Chili was a kind of CONSTANT in our life. It was something we could count on. It was like the North Star that would lead Mariners on the ocean...Chili brought us home, around the table. The tradition went as follows: On the first truly rainy school day after school started in September WE COULD COUNT ON mom making a huge pot of Chili. I really don't ever remember her NOT doing this...it was a tradition. And my mother LOVED tradition. One of her favorite movies was Fiddler on the Roof and one of her favorite songs in that movie??? You guessed it Tradition...TRADITION!!!
The forecast said that it would rain on Thursday this week. That worked out nicely for me. I planned for Thursday, and planned around Thursday, but then this morning I awoke to rain. We had places to go and I did the unthinkable, I cooked the meat and threw everything in the Crockpot...stirred three times and pressed 8 hours. Off we went. We had a fabulous day with loved ones. We came home to warm Chili and actually to my surprise my daughter said it is the best I have ever made. NOW...I have mixed emotions about that. Is she saying that my throw in the Crockpot Chili can even hold a candle to my sweat over the hot stove all day, stir and stir and add all the mommy love in the world CHILI??? Hmmm....if that is the case, I may be getting that Crockpot down again soon! Regardless, we followed TRADITION and it felt good. I know that mom and dad are smiling today. Yesterday another family member had written, they had their Rainy Day Chili last night, because they got their first rain yesterday. Mom and Dad might be gone physically from us for now...but the traditions keep them very close.
Life is precious and short! Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
The forecast said that it would rain on Thursday this week. That worked out nicely for me. I planned for Thursday, and planned around Thursday, but then this morning I awoke to rain. We had places to go and I did the unthinkable, I cooked the meat and threw everything in the Crockpot...stirred three times and pressed 8 hours. Off we went. We had a fabulous day with loved ones. We came home to warm Chili and actually to my surprise my daughter said it is the best I have ever made. NOW...I have mixed emotions about that. Is she saying that my throw in the Crockpot Chili can even hold a candle to my sweat over the hot stove all day, stir and stir and add all the mommy love in the world CHILI??? Hmmm....if that is the case, I may be getting that Crockpot down again soon! Regardless, we followed TRADITION and it felt good. I know that mom and dad are smiling today. Yesterday another family member had written, they had their Rainy Day Chili last night, because they got their first rain yesterday. Mom and Dad might be gone physically from us for now...but the traditions keep them very close.
Life is precious and short! Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Just Fall...
I was thinking about Fall today. You know...Autumn, that wonderful time of the year. My mother and two of my sisters just LOVE fall. HH, TB, and mom were all born in October. So maybe it is in their make-up to love fall. I admit it wasn't ever my favorite time of year. But I loved it because they love it, and watching them find joy in the season makes me happy. Today was the first day of FALL. The air is a little cooler this week and it is actually starting to feel like fall. Soon we will have our "Chili" tradition...which I will write about when it happens. But I love that fall is here. What I wouldn't give to have another fall afternoon with our mom, all around the kitchen table, eatting her homemade soup or chili and talking for hours.
That reminds me of another FALL...
Did you ever play that game of trust as a kid? Someone would stand behind you and you would FALL backward into their arms. It takes a lot of trust to fall straight back into someone's arms without trying to stop or 'save' yourself. My sisters and my mom...now those are some arms I KNOW I could always fall into. I could sure use one of them closer lately. I think I need to get on a plane and fly somewhere with changing leaves...I need some more FALL.
Bye Bye summer...you are actually my favorite season (I love my sister 'Summer' too!) See you next year! Hi fall...thanks for all those crisp memories of mom raising all of us! You might be 'cool', but the memories will keep me warm 'til Christmas.
Life is short and precious. Make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Warm Memories...
I have this memory as a child of my mother standing in the kitchen in our first house...I couldn't have been more than 4 (I know this because we moved on my 5th birthday exactly...and I ate all the peppermint candies on the cake my grandma made me...as we drove to our new home 2 hours away...might as well have been 4,000 miles to a 5 year old.) Any-who... I was reflecting on this memory of my mother today. She was standing in front of the hot kitchen stove making something magical. NO, it wasn't my favorite meal...it was homemade playdough. I remember storing it in an old bread bag. I guess there wasn't ziploc bags back then. I loved the feel of it, and actually though I believe playdough to be very messy...playing with it always brings back these warm memories of my mother, standing there in front of the kitchen stove...doing what every WONDERFUL mother does...take the ORDINARY...some flour, water, salt, etc...and making the EXTRAORDINARY! That was what she did for us our whole lives...she took the ordinary and made it extraordinary. Our friends loved to come over to the house because mom made warm memories...whether it was freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, my Big Brother's Favorite Blue Berry Muffins, or popcorn in the cast iron skillet...or in this case, warm, right off the stove, playdough.
I tried to recreate a little of that "magic" my mother seemed to stir up with such little effort (from my vantage point anyway). The kitchen was hot, my hands burned a little as I kneeded the dough and got it ready for the children. BUT OH THE JOY! For a moment I wasn't mom ordinary...I was mom EXTRAordinaire. And that is a wonderful feeling I hope each of you have experienced. The simple became superb. I was watching my friends little darlings too and the nine of them all around the table playing with playdough was such a beautiful sight. The world goes too fast these days. Video games, online streaming, Xbox, Wii...I am not dissing them...but there is something to be said for a pile of playdough and a little imagination. Maybe I will raise some children that can generate a new thought, and in 25 years instead of seeing the third or four remake of Footloose, or Dirty Dancing we can watch something new.
Regardless of that, my greatest wish is that in 25 years my children will look back on today with warm memories and remember their mother in front of the stove throwing together some flour, water, salt, etc...and making magic. I hope I will be here to do it with them, I wish my mother had been here today. Maybe God let her have a little glimpse of the magic of it all. I certainly know that would have made her happy.
Life is short and precious. Make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!!!
2 cups Water (start boiling it)
1/2 cup salt (I only had sea salt so I added it to water and stirred until it was dissolved but if you have regular salt you can add it to the flour I guess...mine turned out great though)
1tsp Alum (I had this from the last time I made it, it is in spice section at grocery store...if you don't have it, but you do have cream of tartar scroll to next recipe)
2Tbsp cooking oil
2 & 1/2 cups flour
Food coloring of choice
I boiled water with my sea salt added. I then took a mug and put a little water, the alum and the food coloring. I mixed with a fork, dipped it in boiling water and scooped some out and swirled it around. Then I poured this back in a repeated a couple times to get all the alum and food coloring out. Finally I added the oil.
In a large mixing boil (if you have metal it won't stain like plastic can) I put the flour and spread it around the bottom of the boil. Set it on the table if it is metal...it will get hot. Carefully pour the contents of the pan that has been boiling evening over the flour. Then start mixing with a wooden spoon like crazy. Get it as mixed up as you can. When you can stand to pick it up (IT'S HOT!) star roll/kneeding fist fulls of it. Set aside once you get it smooth and grab another handful. I made three batches (3 colors of course). HAVE FUN! If you have cookie cutters they work great and will keep children entertained for quite awhile. Enjoy your WARM memories!
Haven't made this one because I didn't have cream of tartar so I made the alternate one.
1cflour,1cwater,1/4c salt,2tsp cream tartar 1 Tbsp veg oil, food coloring
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Irony...
(Writing this felt like coming home...I stayed away too long...so here is the return of the Prodigal son/well daughter in this case.)
My daughter (age 10) came to me on Labor day and wanted to let me know that it was "Very Ironic" that on Labor day...when we celebrate Laborers, most people don't work. I had a cute chuckle with her and we shared one of those...look each other in the face and give a silly smile moments.
But life itself seems so ironic. When we are young we want to be older. When we are old we want to be younger. It seems that so much of our lives are waisted on what isn't that we wish was, and what IS that we wish wasn't.
Losing both my parents before I was 40, and with my oldest child just turning 10 this year has set things in a little bit of perspective for me. Even if someone offered me a time machine and NO "Butterfly Effect Consequences", I can safely say that I have no desire to go backward or forward. My daughter also recently came to me with a little quote she heard on a TV show. Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a gift...That's why they call it the PRESENT! She was pleased with this discovery and reminded me (lest I forget) that we can NOT change the past. We need to live in the present and prepare for the future...and THAT is all we have control over. This was a good reminder, and a good life lesson in general. She is actually wise beyond her 10 years on earth. I guess that is an irony in and of itself...that the child teaches the parent. But it is not a first around here. It happens quite often. Maybe it is because I see my children as people, not possessions or objects to be moved around at my whim. They have marvelous ideas, they create, they explore, they learn so many things hands on. I am not perfect, but I try to step with care, and not extingush the passions that they came with naturally.
My greatest desire is to have a happy family...Happiness itself is not a DESTINATION...it is a journey (that is what my mom used to always say at least). But with my parents loss I have found my very existance at odds with my true desires. So I am battling...the hurts of the loss on one shoulder, the desire to be happy on the other. Anyone relate?
Today...I decided I don't want the sad. I can't control the tears, they come when they come. But I can choose to be happy or sad...I am choosing happiness. I am choosing laughter with the children, family time, silly faces, chicken salad sandwiches at the table for lunch, all together.
Life is short and precious...Make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
:(
Missing my dad...
Computers, inboxes, ideas, movie talk, homeschool talk, more ideas, techie talk, Trekie Talk...Oh Man, Oh Man...I miss my dad!!!
That is all I've Got today!!!
Life is precious and short! So live each day like it could be your last, make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Just Do It!!!
This is for D.L....
But it is really a challenge for each of us. Life is short. Debts often pile high. Courage in the world is rare. Dreams are sometimes far from reach. But it is the steps into the darkness of uncertainty that matter most. When we think we can't, we are half beaten already. So JUST DO IT! Just try. Sure, sometimes you will fail, sometimes you will succeed. Stats say you will fail more than you succeed. Who cares? Just DO it! You aren't married to a statistic major are you? Just TRY. Be and do your very best. TAKE COURAGE! The road less traveled is full of adventure. It may not be for everyone...but chances are it just might be for you. SO TRY! What is the WORST thing that could happen. You fail? Try, Try, Try...again.
Life is too short to sell ourselves short. We were born for greatness. We just have to find the light within and hold on to it, embrace it, wrap our minds around it...and TRY! If you aim for the heavens you might not reach the stars at first...but you certainly won't come up with a hand full of mud either. Give it your best shot!
Life is short. Live like it could be your last day...and make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Dreams and Reality...
I had a dream this year of writing my blog EVERY DAY! Those who have the slightest tendancy for OCD will understand how difficult it was to let that slip away when we decided to go to Utah for a week long trip and I abandon the idea for fun with besties, family and my children. That trip was followed up by a trip to Minnesota to be with more family. Upon arriving home from Minnesota (at 1 am on a Thursday) we settled into our house and unpacked, ready for a good night sleep...only to be awoken by the police. My daddy had passed away, been found by a neighbor and I was the next of kin. WOW! What a night that was. I really discovered the depth of my faith that night...as my first intuition and reaction was to get on my knees. I thanked my Heavenly Father for my dad. I talked about how though he had some weaknesses and he wasn't always making the best choices, that I was so eternally grateful that he raised me with a love for my Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ. He opened the door (literally) to the gospel in my life and that of my siblings. I am so grateful he opened the door. Then in an instant the moments that would be so full of turmoil, pain, grief and tears for others became a peaceful recognition for me of all the good my dad had done for us. I became filled with a peace and a calm. It was as if the Holy Spirit had poured over me and carried me through. The week that followed was filled with love...siblings reconnecting, laughter, planning, pictures, slide shows and memories of past, present and the hope of future memories. It was a good time. I know that may sound odd to some to describe my father's funeral as a good time, but that is just what it was. It was a celebration, both of his life, and the love he gave to us and taught us to give to each other. It was also an awakening of what matters most, and first things first. It was then that I realized that it didn't matter if I wrote my blog "every" day, it just mattered that I wrote and shared and loved and reached for others. We often have dreams or hopes and when we don't meet them exactly as we wish we give up, feel we have failed, or beat ourselves relentlessly with a wet noodle. I have learned from losing my dad that is not what he, or a LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER want us to do. So it is TIME to be a little KINDER to ourselves. It is time to LOVE ourselves a little more. It is time to be a little GENTLER to the beautiful daughter or son that a LOVING Heavenly Father created.
I missed my blog while I was living LIFE the past 4 weeks. I missed the comments from people I love. I missed the reinforcement from many of you that I DO make a difference. I missed how writing helps me to tap into myself. But while I was gone I learned a whole lot too!!! I am thankful for all I learned. And now...I AM BACK! You may not see me every day, but I hope to be here often. And I hope, like a close neighbor, you will visit often.
Life is precious and short! Live like today could be your last...Make it a great day! ONLY YOU CAN!!!
Monday, July 4, 2011
I stand...
Today is a day to celebrate our freedom. The day that represents a beginning. Today is a day we (that are Americans) wave our flags, cheer, shout and get a little rowdy all in the name of patriotism.
But on this day let me ask you a question. What do you stand for?
I have heard it said, "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything."
There are a lot of things to stand for...and we won't all stand for the same things. Brothers, Sisters, Mothers, Fathers may vary in their stand....BUT PLEASE Stand for something. Don't be idle. Don't be one that complains but never votes. Today is a day to celebrate our freedom. But we are only free so long as we guard and fight for, stand for our freedom. Because simply put... Freedom isn't free!
Live every day like it could be your last, Make it a good day! Only YOU can!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
#5 post: What REACHES You???
This is my #5 post in a series of 10 RE-posts from my first 100 posts. I am starting off my summer with a BANG, and playing with the children, laughing, watching movies, and having all around general fun. So I don't have time for NEW posts this week. If you missed this one...I LOVE YOU, and Hope you enjoy this.
#218 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...LOVE!
Make it a great day...ONLY YOU CAN!!!
What reaches you?
The human is such an interesting creature...
Unlike the rest of the animal kingdom, our array of emotions is so wide spread. We feel love, hate, sorrow, gratitude, exhaustion, exilaration, happiness, sadness...and so on. Sometimes we clog up, close off and don't allow ourselves to feel anything. Other times we feel so much that we can't control it...it just bubbles over and out of us...anger, laughter, tears...both the sad and the joyful kind.
When I think of my mother I often experience this bubbling over of emotions. The tears still flow and this January she will have been gone from this earth 3 years. But usually I am not crying because I am depressed, or falling apart. Usually the tears follow something wonderful, like my daughter's baptism, a son's birthday party or some memorable event that she would have been to, were she physically present. I miss her. I miss her tender hugs and just cuddling up to her...which YES I still did at 35. Sometimes when Darling husband worked late and she stayed over we would lay in bed and hold hands and talk. I love those times, and when I think of them now a tear forms. It forms because of the gratitude that wells up in me that I had those opportunities, and it forms because I know it will be a long time before she and I are together again, at least I HOPE that my time on this earth is much longer to raise my own children.
Thinking and feeling, acting and reacting can separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom. And then there are the times we lose control and act like nothing more than animals. We degrade and tear down and we might as well be beasts, fighting in the jungle in the survival of the fittest. As I look at my life, the older I get, the more determined I am that I want to do better, be better. And though I am a "back slider" at times, I am trying. Even if it is two steps forward, one step back, at least I am making some ground.
Today I had the bubbling over emotion. We were sitting in Sunday School and discussing Isaiah. For those familiar with the Old Testament, he is no easy read. But I love Isaiah. I love the metaphors and descriptions that he uses. I love his passion for testifying of Christ. As we spoke of this my eyes welled up with tears. Do I have that kind of passion for my testimony? Am I willing to shout it from the house tops and not worry whom I offend? Well, I don't want to offend anyone, but I do hope my friends and loved ones know, I am firm in my faith that God our Heavenly Father, and his Beloved Son Jesus Christ love us...ALL OF US...Yes, that is right, the Muslim and the Christian, Black and White, Bond and Free...ALL ALIKE UNTO GOD. I love that. I am not perfect, but I do love freely and without reservation. I hope my friends will always feel that love, and not just the friends that share my faith, but all my friends. I love that bubbling over emotion, which I believe often is a fruit of the Spirit (Holy Ghost) that reminds us, we are human, this experience is real, and we are God's children and he is very close. I am so grateful for those deep feelings, even the ones that make me cry...because they remind me who I am, where I came from and where I hope to go after this life.
For those reading this that know me...KNOW THIS...you are loved so much! On my love you can rely!
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
#218 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...LOVE!
Make it a great day...ONLY YOU CAN!!!
What reaches you?
The human is such an interesting creature...
Unlike the rest of the animal kingdom, our array of emotions is so wide spread. We feel love, hate, sorrow, gratitude, exhaustion, exilaration, happiness, sadness...and so on. Sometimes we clog up, close off and don't allow ourselves to feel anything. Other times we feel so much that we can't control it...it just bubbles over and out of us...anger, laughter, tears...both the sad and the joyful kind.
When I think of my mother I often experience this bubbling over of emotions. The tears still flow and this January she will have been gone from this earth 3 years. But usually I am not crying because I am depressed, or falling apart. Usually the tears follow something wonderful, like my daughter's baptism, a son's birthday party or some memorable event that she would have been to, were she physically present. I miss her. I miss her tender hugs and just cuddling up to her...which YES I still did at 35. Sometimes when Darling husband worked late and she stayed over we would lay in bed and hold hands and talk. I love those times, and when I think of them now a tear forms. It forms because of the gratitude that wells up in me that I had those opportunities, and it forms because I know it will be a long time before she and I are together again, at least I HOPE that my time on this earth is much longer to raise my own children.
Thinking and feeling, acting and reacting can separate us from the rest of the animal kingdom. And then there are the times we lose control and act like nothing more than animals. We degrade and tear down and we might as well be beasts, fighting in the jungle in the survival of the fittest. As I look at my life, the older I get, the more determined I am that I want to do better, be better. And though I am a "back slider" at times, I am trying. Even if it is two steps forward, one step back, at least I am making some ground.
Today I had the bubbling over emotion. We were sitting in Sunday School and discussing Isaiah. For those familiar with the Old Testament, he is no easy read. But I love Isaiah. I love the metaphors and descriptions that he uses. I love his passion for testifying of Christ. As we spoke of this my eyes welled up with tears. Do I have that kind of passion for my testimony? Am I willing to shout it from the house tops and not worry whom I offend? Well, I don't want to offend anyone, but I do hope my friends and loved ones know, I am firm in my faith that God our Heavenly Father, and his Beloved Son Jesus Christ love us...ALL OF US...Yes, that is right, the Muslim and the Christian, Black and White, Bond and Free...ALL ALIKE UNTO GOD. I love that. I am not perfect, but I do love freely and without reservation. I hope my friends will always feel that love, and not just the friends that share my faith, but all my friends. I love that bubbling over emotion, which I believe often is a fruit of the Spirit (Holy Ghost) that reminds us, we are human, this experience is real, and we are God's children and he is very close. I am so grateful for those deep feelings, even the ones that make me cry...because they remind me who I am, where I came from and where I hope to go after this life.
For those reading this that know me...KNOW THIS...you are loved so much! On my love you can rely!
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Monday, June 6, 2011
#4 You're Gonna Miss This???
This week I have been playing a lot with my children...and RE-posting some of my favorite posts from my first 100 posts. This was one of my earliest posts on this blog. And already there are things that I miss about babies, since my littlest is almost 2. But there are definitely things I WON'T MISS!!!
#219 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life: My little Oreo Mustache children bring me such joy, and messes often teach patience if we let them. I am thankful for the better person I am becoming, thanks to the beautiful children he is loaning me.
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
You're gonna miss this????
My children are wonderful...they are fabulous...REALLY! So does it make me a bad mom when I have days I just want to SCREAM! Or even better yet...days when I think I might pull out my hair if I hear ONE MORE PERSON SCREAM? The answer is absolutely NO! It does make me human...if you are a human mom...you will appreciate this morning I had...BEFORE 8 am ;)
This morning I woke to someone tap tap tapping on my arm. "Mommy can I watch a movie?" They say all this technology is PROGRESS...the only progression I see is that my children wake me up earlier and earlier. Being the stellar mom I am I said "Just be quiet." Of course...in five minutes the Dog, Darling #4, then Darling #3 and now Darling #5 are all up... Noise...and LOTS OF IT! Screaming as I write. Why do little boys insist on screaming? I wonder this constantly...sometimes with a splitting headache I beg for refuge. They say in country songs "You're gonna miss this" .... Really? Doesn't a man sing that song? He must mean he is going to miss the elaborate hugs he gets when he comes home from work, and the endless kisses. He is going to miss "Daddy you are my best friend"...
I will tell you what this "firefighter" mother of five is not going to miss...
I will not miss:
dirty diapers
screaming (I will miss noise when they grow up...but NOT SCREAMING)
I won't miss Oreo Cookie shakes on the floor (I will miss Oreo Shake mustaches)
Multiple visits to the doctor in one week...Because when I went in on a Monday for one...the others got sick in succession...
You get the point.
I know they say the joyful sound of children playing is music to the ears...But I must not have EVOLVED to THAT kind of mother yet...because when my four boys really get playing...it is anything BUT music...And when my darling daughter has had enough and screeches at them...WATCH OUT!
There are many things I will miss of course! Laughter, hugs, story time, smiles, giggles, water fight play days, library trips that make kids light up with joy...(hence the endless books back ground on my blog...we miss their angel grandma who is a librarian by trade and by heart)...
But there are definitely a few I don't think I will LONG FOR! :) If you are a "firefighting mama" too...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
So make it a great day! Because only you can! And you may want to invest in some ear plugs ;)
#219 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life: My little Oreo Mustache children bring me such joy, and messes often teach patience if we let them. I am thankful for the better person I am becoming, thanks to the beautiful children he is loaning me.
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
You're gonna miss this????
My children are wonderful...they are fabulous...REALLY! So does it make me a bad mom when I have days I just want to SCREAM! Or even better yet...days when I think I might pull out my hair if I hear ONE MORE PERSON SCREAM? The answer is absolutely NO! It does make me human...if you are a human mom...you will appreciate this morning I had...BEFORE 8 am ;)
This morning I woke to someone tap tap tapping on my arm. "Mommy can I watch a movie?" They say all this technology is PROGRESS...the only progression I see is that my children wake me up earlier and earlier. Being the stellar mom I am I said "Just be quiet." Of course...in five minutes the Dog, Darling #4, then Darling #3 and now Darling #5 are all up... Noise...and LOTS OF IT! Screaming as I write. Why do little boys insist on screaming? I wonder this constantly...sometimes with a splitting headache I beg for refuge. They say in country songs "You're gonna miss this" .... Really? Doesn't a man sing that song? He must mean he is going to miss the elaborate hugs he gets when he comes home from work, and the endless kisses. He is going to miss "Daddy you are my best friend"...
I will tell you what this "firefighter" mother of five is not going to miss...
I will not miss:
dirty diapers
screaming (I will miss noise when they grow up...but NOT SCREAMING)
I won't miss Oreo Cookie shakes on the floor (I will miss Oreo Shake mustaches)
Multiple visits to the doctor in one week...Because when I went in on a Monday for one...the others got sick in succession...
You get the point.
I know they say the joyful sound of children playing is music to the ears...But I must not have EVOLVED to THAT kind of mother yet...because when my four boys really get playing...it is anything BUT music...And when my darling daughter has had enough and screeches at them...WATCH OUT!
There are many things I will miss of course! Laughter, hugs, story time, smiles, giggles, water fight play days, library trips that make kids light up with joy...(hence the endless books back ground on my blog...we miss their angel grandma who is a librarian by trade and by heart)...
But there are definitely a few I don't think I will LONG FOR! :) If you are a "firefighting mama" too...YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
So make it a great day! Because only you can! And you may want to invest in some ear plugs ;)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
#3 (from my first 100 posts) Eat, Pray, LOVE!
Ok...this year has been a discovery in importance of the IMPORTANT things. A good meal with my family around the table...yum. Prayers offered and answered (sometimes the way I want, sometimes not what I hoped for, but answered none the less), and LOVE...God's greatest gift...Love from Him, Love when HE sent His son, love from my darling husband, love from my beautiful children, love from my family and wonderful friends. So tonight I share my post about my movie experience EAT, PRAY, LOVE....hmmm...I think I might have to rent it and see it again soon.
#219 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life... LOVE, PRAYER...and Yummmy foods. God is good!
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
A sweet friend of mine recommended this movie to me this week. I want to start by thanking her.
I sit here with a Del Taco bag filled with 3 of their $.39 Tacos and a strawberry lemonade. I wonder if Julia Roberts would be disappointed with my lack of food taste...
I am not a frequent movie goer. Why? Hmmmm! I am not really sure. I LOVE the movies. I love the scene in Annie where Daddy Warbucks (sp?) takes her to the movies and the entertainment intro sings "Let's go to the movies, let's go see the stars. Fred and Ginger Dancing madly....Only happy endings, that's our recipe." The thought of it makes me want to burst into song. Maybe I don't frequent the theater anymore because I married a movie hater. And it isn't fun most of the time to go without my sweetheart. Well, after tonight I AM OVER THAT!
Eat, Pray, LOVE! It was a beautiful, powerful, and touching movie. And yet, I also found myself laughing, enjoying and getting lost in it like you do in those fun feel good movies. GO SEE IT! Don't expect the normal...fall in love, problems, work it out, happy ending...Not this movie. But it also isn't the "Break-up" ridiculously unhappy ending either. I loathe that movie. I will warn you there is a bare butt...drum player on the beach, close your eyes if this offends you. Other than that, what a beautiful story of a woman who finds faith, and love for God and herself.
After the movie's recommendation my sister came to visit me today (My husband's sister...but as you may have read...if you read...in the post about my daughter yesterday...your husband's sisters are your sisters. And I am married to my husband FOREVER...so this "in law" stuff...I just leave it off.) If you know me and know my sisters live out of state, I just don't want to confuse you. I have almost a dozen sisters ;) Anyway My Darling sister "R" came for a visit. At the end of our lovely chat (she has teenagers and assures me when mine are that age she will help me because hers are giving us ample experience)...I said lets go to the movies. She said that would be fun. I said are you free tonight... VIOLA!!! I had a movie date! How very great is that! LOVE IT! We are going to go more often, because believe it or not, her husband doesn't love chick flicks either...I KNOW GASP! :)
Well, today was a beautiful day. Laundry, children, bums to wipe, diapers to change, children to feed, homeschool, children to feed, laundry...AND THE MOVIES!
Make it a good day. Only YOU can! (I did ;)
#219 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life... LOVE, PRAYER...and Yummmy foods. God is good!
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
A sweet friend of mine recommended this movie to me this week. I want to start by thanking her.
I sit here with a Del Taco bag filled with 3 of their $.39 Tacos and a strawberry lemonade. I wonder if Julia Roberts would be disappointed with my lack of food taste...
I am not a frequent movie goer. Why? Hmmmm! I am not really sure. I LOVE the movies. I love the scene in Annie where Daddy Warbucks (sp?) takes her to the movies and the entertainment intro sings "Let's go to the movies, let's go see the stars. Fred and Ginger Dancing madly....Only happy endings, that's our recipe." The thought of it makes me want to burst into song. Maybe I don't frequent the theater anymore because I married a movie hater. And it isn't fun most of the time to go without my sweetheart. Well, after tonight I AM OVER THAT!
Eat, Pray, LOVE! It was a beautiful, powerful, and touching movie. And yet, I also found myself laughing, enjoying and getting lost in it like you do in those fun feel good movies. GO SEE IT! Don't expect the normal...fall in love, problems, work it out, happy ending...Not this movie. But it also isn't the "Break-up" ridiculously unhappy ending either. I loathe that movie. I will warn you there is a bare butt...drum player on the beach, close your eyes if this offends you. Other than that, what a beautiful story of a woman who finds faith, and love for God and herself.
After the movie's recommendation my sister came to visit me today (My husband's sister...but as you may have read...if you read...in the post about my daughter yesterday...your husband's sisters are your sisters. And I am married to my husband FOREVER...so this "in law" stuff...I just leave it off.) If you know me and know my sisters live out of state, I just don't want to confuse you. I have almost a dozen sisters ;) Anyway My Darling sister "R" came for a visit. At the end of our lovely chat (she has teenagers and assures me when mine are that age she will help me because hers are giving us ample experience)...I said lets go to the movies. She said that would be fun. I said are you free tonight... VIOLA!!! I had a movie date! How very great is that! LOVE IT! We are going to go more often, because believe it or not, her husband doesn't love chick flicks either...I KNOW GASP! :)
Well, today was a beautiful day. Laundry, children, bums to wipe, diapers to change, children to feed, homeschool, children to feed, laundry...AND THE MOVIES!
Make it a good day. Only YOU can! (I did ;)
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Don't be a slave...
This post is my filler for Saturday. I write every day. But I didn't today...well actually YESTERDAY. But I am post dating it so who cares? Who even knows? But I will share that while I was NOT writing my blog, I was having a fabuloso day with my family and one of my besties! My kids were in playing heaven too!
#220 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...the blessing of SUMMER BREAK...can I get an A-MEN!!!
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
#220 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...the blessing of SUMMER BREAK...can I get an A-MEN!!!
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Ten Favorite Post from my first 100 Posts #2 The Greener Grass...
Here is another from my first 100 posts. Hope you enjoy. Had a great day with my kidlets. Love summer. Life is GOOD!!!
#221 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...even on days when my children are so difficult to raise, my chest wells up with immense love for them. I know that those deep feelings of love come from a loving Heavenly Parent who has given me a good example of parenting.
Make it a great day...ONLY YOU CAN!!!
The Grass is always greener on the other side.
A friend (of 30 years) read my blog yesterday...you might have too...
The difference between her and I is that my oldest is 9 (obviously my children will be in the house a couple more years.) Hers are just about ready to fly the coop. And she really is "missing" already some of those things that I joked about yesterday. (Well, I wasn't joking about all of them :) So in honor of her, the wonderful mother she has been, faithful, kind, generous with her kids, present in their every day living, supportive and loyal to them...N...this is for you
My parents weren't perfect. After therapy I realized they did the best they could with what they had. Something they did right from the get go was they exposed us to good things. They exposed us to church, reading, family time, and something called "education week". For those that are not familiar with this Mormon vernacular, education week brings together seminar like speakers from a variety of walks of life. I learned a lot and developed many opinions in my many years of education weeks. We joked they had a class for everything from A-Z... anorexia to zest for living. My parents were often found in one of two places...classes to enhance their marriage or classes to enhance their parenting skills. One such parenting speaker they loved so much they bought his tapes and we listened to him in the car a million times. (You know on a TAPE...my daughter found one the other day and said...Mom, WHAT IS THIS!?? I thought MAN I AM OLD!)
Anyway...I wish that I could credit the speaker for the part of this that is his...I really would if I could but I was eight and in a few weeks that will be 30 years ago...yes I am getting old, NO I don't remember his name. So if you know who he is just pipe in...and please don't sue me...I have no intention of stealing anything...but the advice was priceless.
Sorry for the long intro: Here it goes N.
There was once a man and woman that loved each other. They courted, got engaged and got married. They finally scraped together enough money to get a house and the man loved his space. He took the yard down to dirt, laid sprinklers and planted the best grass seed after months of careful research. He watered and fertilized this yard of his and the grass grew. His wife was not allowed NEAR the grass. He erected caution tape around the perimeter of the yard and forbade all to cross it. The grass came in lovely and finally after what seemed like an eternity but was really more like 8 months they were allowed to walk on it. Over the next few years children came. In succession one after the other...someone told them to stop washing their underware together...That person needs the birds and bees talk don't you think? But here they were first with one, then two, three, four and currently FIVE children (The vet asks are these ALL yours, the mother replies NO I borrowed some to bring to the appointment!).
With children came playsets...the father gasped, NOT ON MY GRASS. The mother smiled, "It will come back"
With children came slip n slides...the father screeched, NOT ON MY GRASS. The mother smiled, "It will come back"
The baseball games that got ever more agressive over the years, and tag, and red light, green light, mother may I, and babies that pull up grass in handfuls and the father cried, not my grass! And the mother smiled, "It will come back."
One day she told him they will all grow up and move away. We are not raising grass, we are raising children. The grass will come back, but childhood never will. (She knew this beautiful principle because she had heard it in the car for so many years, on that little tape player...but she laughed because It was her real life. Sometimes art imitates life, sometimes life imitates art.)
We only have today to live today. We only get ONE shot at today. I don't want to be know either in heaven or by my children for growing perfect grass. So read more to your children...I will talk about my mother reading another day. Dance in the rain, turn the radio up in your house with the kids home and make a fool out of yourself...They will not care about your degrees or job accolades but they will never forget how you make them feel. And if you make them feel cherished even though childhood will NEVER COME BACK, they will.
Make it a great day, only YOU can!
#221 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...even on days when my children are so difficult to raise, my chest wells up with immense love for them. I know that those deep feelings of love come from a loving Heavenly Parent who has given me a good example of parenting.
Make it a great day...ONLY YOU CAN!!!
The Grass is always greener on the other side.
A friend (of 30 years) read my blog yesterday...you might have too...
The difference between her and I is that my oldest is 9 (obviously my children will be in the house a couple more years.) Hers are just about ready to fly the coop. And she really is "missing" already some of those things that I joked about yesterday. (Well, I wasn't joking about all of them :) So in honor of her, the wonderful mother she has been, faithful, kind, generous with her kids, present in their every day living, supportive and loyal to them...N...this is for you
My parents weren't perfect. After therapy I realized they did the best they could with what they had. Something they did right from the get go was they exposed us to good things. They exposed us to church, reading, family time, and something called "education week". For those that are not familiar with this Mormon vernacular, education week brings together seminar like speakers from a variety of walks of life. I learned a lot and developed many opinions in my many years of education weeks. We joked they had a class for everything from A-Z... anorexia to zest for living. My parents were often found in one of two places...classes to enhance their marriage or classes to enhance their parenting skills. One such parenting speaker they loved so much they bought his tapes and we listened to him in the car a million times. (You know on a TAPE...my daughter found one the other day and said...Mom, WHAT IS THIS!?? I thought MAN I AM OLD!)
Anyway...I wish that I could credit the speaker for the part of this that is his...I really would if I could but I was eight and in a few weeks that will be 30 years ago...yes I am getting old, NO I don't remember his name. So if you know who he is just pipe in...and please don't sue me...I have no intention of stealing anything...but the advice was priceless.
Sorry for the long intro: Here it goes N.
There was once a man and woman that loved each other. They courted, got engaged and got married. They finally scraped together enough money to get a house and the man loved his space. He took the yard down to dirt, laid sprinklers and planted the best grass seed after months of careful research. He watered and fertilized this yard of his and the grass grew. His wife was not allowed NEAR the grass. He erected caution tape around the perimeter of the yard and forbade all to cross it. The grass came in lovely and finally after what seemed like an eternity but was really more like 8 months they were allowed to walk on it. Over the next few years children came. In succession one after the other...someone told them to stop washing their underware together...That person needs the birds and bees talk don't you think? But here they were first with one, then two, three, four and currently FIVE children (The vet asks are these ALL yours, the mother replies NO I borrowed some to bring to the appointment!).
With children came playsets...the father gasped, NOT ON MY GRASS. The mother smiled, "It will come back"
With children came slip n slides...the father screeched, NOT ON MY GRASS. The mother smiled, "It will come back"
The baseball games that got ever more agressive over the years, and tag, and red light, green light, mother may I, and babies that pull up grass in handfuls and the father cried, not my grass! And the mother smiled, "It will come back."
One day she told him they will all grow up and move away. We are not raising grass, we are raising children. The grass will come back, but childhood never will. (She knew this beautiful principle because she had heard it in the car for so many years, on that little tape player...but she laughed because It was her real life. Sometimes art imitates life, sometimes life imitates art.)
We only have today to live today. We only get ONE shot at today. I don't want to be know either in heaven or by my children for growing perfect grass. So read more to your children...I will talk about my mother reading another day. Dance in the rain, turn the radio up in your house with the kids home and make a fool out of yourself...They will not care about your degrees or job accolades but they will never forget how you make them feel. And if you make them feel cherished even though childhood will NEVER COME BACK, they will.
Make it a great day, only YOU can!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Ten Favorites from my first 100 posts... #1FIREFIGHTER
I wanted a little break this week. My children just finished up their school year. They are enrolled in an awesome summer school program. But there is a four week break in between. I am not taking off four weeks. But I thought I would take some time away from this and PLAY PLAY PLAY with them. We totally earned it. I can't wait for playdates with our besties, and cousins! Summer, here we come. So I will be RE-Posting 10 of my favorite posts from my first 100 posts. Hope you Re-Enjoy them if you read them already, or if you haven't, hope you enjoy them for the first time around...And Don't forget to make it a great day! *Side Note* Happy Birthday TODAY to my #4...he isn't 3 anymore and he hardly ever makes messes like the ones in this post. But that is ok...#5 quickly took his place...they call that JOB SECURITY...you will see why.
PS. #222 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...Firemen! Sometime I will share the story of how they saved my husband's life, even though he gives them a hard time.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I am a daughter.
I am a sister.
I am an aunt.
I am a friend.
My life is not red carpet glamorous...It is more like trying to get red Kool-aide out of the carpet. This morning I came to a realization. I am a firefighter. I put out little fires all day long. I am at home. I have five children. I homeschool...some of you gasp. Some of you whisper...That is ok...there is nothing you can say that I haven't said in my own head. This blog is for me. Maybe I will only do it today (remember I have constant fires to put out...), maybe it will help me grow and become a habit. But for today...it will keep me sane. And one more day of sanity is priceless.
So back to that Firefighter job of mine.
Today was an ordinary day...(it is 11:26am)
I have cleaned up a milkshake (oreo cookie of course) from all over the floor that my #4 darling a 3 year old spilled when trying to take it to the sink. Did I say thank you? No...I am human, I yelled. Working on that one. Then I went into Firefighter action and put out the fire. After the mess was cleaned up I went to the sink (I can't remember why now), but it didn't take long...I stepped in the water bowl #2 darling left out for the dog (not where it goes of course) and yep...I cleaned up and put out another fire. I turned to see that #1 darling who was making their own eggs got egg everywhere...thankfully they saw my exasperation and put out their own fire! Then there was the go-gurt accident that #4 darling had when he tipped the bottle a little two far...and spilled on both his shirt and the floor. Two more fires...put out! This is when I thought "I am just a firefighter...putting out fires all day." No wonder my husband comes home and says honey "what???" did you do today. And he thinks firefighters make cabinets and eat all day...he has NO IDEA!!! I sat at the computer and thought "I am a firefighter" I better write this down, it is better than spanking children and will help me calm down! This is when #4 darling...do you see a pattern with #4? ... spilled the entire container of mini (reward for pee pee) m&m's on the kitchen floor. So the kitchen floor got a third scrub... Did I mention it isn't even lunch time yet?
I think I need to have a Firefighter Mama's fundraiser so that I can go to the spa...But you know that will never happen. The alarm will go off, another fire will erupt and you know us firefighters, 24 hour on call...Duty calls, it's a thankless job...but I hear the retirement is really good. And I wouldn't trade the little ones for a pencil pushing job any day of the week.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
...
Long day filled with children and laundry...
#223 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...he loves me unconditionally...
Make it a great day! (Even if you have laundry) Only YOU can!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Talents...
Talents are an interesting thing. So many people out there do not think they are talented. One may not play the violin, or sing 8 octives, or dance like a swan...but this does not mean one is not talented. My sisters are some of the most talented people I know and their talents range in variety and difference as the ocean and the mountains are different. BUT...I happen to LOVE LOVE LOVE the ocean AND mountains! Variety is the spice of life (my mom used to say that to us). I am thankful for my talents...the ones I came to this earth with and the ones I am developing. Tonight I worked on a little project for my friend's birthday. It isn't much, just a little something. But as I did it I was overwhelmingly thankful for another friend and her editting and photoshop skills, it has been through years of watching her, and then later one of my sisters that I have developed the talent I used tonight. Even though the project was something little, when I do something, create something, I feel so accomplished!
I am thankful for a large number of wonderful friends who bring so many beautiful and wonderful talents into my life. I am so blessed.
#224 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life... the talents he gives us...where else could they possibly come from? I have five children, each came with a different personality, different strengths and weaknesses, and different talents. I am so grateful for each one. I am so proud of all of them. I hope when Heavenly Father looks down on me, using my little talents that He is pleased as well.
Goodbye May... I will miss you. You brought us such lovely weather! Thank you!
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Monday, May 30, 2011
Thankful...
Today I am thankful for the two men in my life that gave their lives for our freedoms.
To my mother's cousin Richard and his family...My heart, and gratitude assend to heaven.
And to my great Uncle "Worry Wart" Floyd...Thank you for your service and for paying the ultimate sacrifice that we might be free.
To both of you men...please take good care of my mommy on this "Memorial" day I miss her so much!
#225 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...He has sent so many good men and women to this world to fight for the truth and protect us. I believe that choices and circumstances often end the lives of people that Heavenly Father loves, but was not ready to take home just yet. For those men and women whose candle of the flesh was put out too early...Father may you hold those that are here and miss and love them in the Hollow of Your hand...until they are together again.
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Sweet Sundays...What is Charity???
Today I had the chance to speak in my congregation. I say "chance" not because I love speaking in front of a couple hundred people, but chance because it always gives me the chance when I prepare for these experiences to reflect inwardly and examine if I am being all I can, if I am being a good disciple of Christ...If I am loving everyone as I should. I could do better...that is part of what I learn. Below is the text of my talk. It was about a ten minute talk, so I am not offended if this isn't YOUR THING...or you don't want to read that much...No worries. Today was a journey for me...a journey in remembering the importance of loving others, truly loving them, and a journey in remembering how much the Savior and his Father, our Heavenly Father love us. So again it was a SWEET SABBATH! May you have a blessed Memorial day. It is a hard day for me, because I have many I love and Remember, but I am so grateful for family and friends that selflessly serve our country and provide us freedoms (more on that tomorrow).
So here we go...
What is Charity???
In the Moroni 7:47 we read that "charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever,". Maybe another way to look at it is what isn't charity? It isn't judging, it isn't dismissing someone because you can't see how they could ever come to Christ. It is a feeling that grows and wells up in your heart. It is the unabashed feeling to see someone as they can be NOT as they are. It is loving and seeing others through Christ's eyes.
In Alma Chapter 7 verses 11-14 We read 11And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. So HOW can we be like the Savior? We can mourn with those that mourn and divide the sorrow of others.
In the address Becoming Instruments in the hands of God, Don R. Clarke said,
"We must have love for God's children...
Then he quoted"Joseph F. Smith, who said: 'Charity, or love, is the greatest principle in existence. If we can lend a helping hand to the oppressed, if we can aid those who are despondent and in sorrow, if we can uplift and ameliorate (or make better) the condition of mankind, it is our mission to do it, it is an essential part of our religion to do it' (in Conference Report, Apr. 1917, 4). When we feel love for God's children, we are given opportunities to help them in their journey back to His presence" (Ensign, Nov 2006, 97–99).
Continuing in Alma verse 12 we read
And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. What can we do? We can help, succor, serve others and then we will be filled with mercy and compassion. We can lift and strengthen and support those in need. This is the gospel in action, this is what it means to become charitable, to become like Christ.
In the talk, The Tongue can be a sharp sword, Marvin J. Ashton said,
"Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself....
"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other" (Ensign, May 1992, 18).
How often have we caught ourselves thinking: So and so would never want the gospel. They...Fill in the blanks, drink, smoke, cuss...etc. DO WE BELIEVE CHRIST?
In 2 Nephi 25 verse 26 we read:
And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.
We read this, We believe in Him. But do we believe Him? Do we believe He can do what he says He can do? Do we believe he can do it for anyone? For our neighbor? For US in all our weaknesses and imperfections? Do we believe Him? Or do we sometimes think we know better and that they or we are too broken for the Savior's Atonement to fully reach us, to fully change us.
We continue in Alma verse 13
Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance; and now behold, this is the testimony which is in me.
The SPIRIT KNOWETH ALL THINGS. But the Savior of the world suffered according to the flesh. It was not enough to KNOW about our hurts and sorrows, weakness and sins, He needed to DO something about them. He suffered and felt every one of them so that He could:
Lift, Heal, Help, Comfort, Succor, and REDEEM us from all of it. The definition of REDEEM is to compensate for the faults or bad aspects of something...or in this case someone...US...
SO....How do we change? How do we put off the natural man and become a saint? How do we develop charity?
IN one of my favorite addresses Entitled Born of God President Ezra Taft Benson says,
Would not the progress of the Church increase dramatically today with an increasing number of those who are spiritually reborn? Can you imagine what would happen in our homes? Can you imagine what would happen with an increasing number of copies of the Book of Mormon in the hands of an increasing number of missionaries who know how to use it and who have been born of God? It was the “born of God” Alma who as a missionary was so able to impart the word that many others were also born of God (see Alma 36:23–26).
He goes on to say...(In my all time favorite quote...)
The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.
“Human nature can be changed, here and now,” said President McKay, and then he quoted the following:
“You can change human nature. No man who has felt in him the Spirit of Christ even for half a minute can deny this truth. …
“You do change human nature, your own human nature, if you surrender it to Christ. Human nature can be changed here and now. Human nature has been changed in the past. Human nature must be changed on an enormous scale in the future, unless the world is to be drowned in its own blood. And only Christ can change it. Yes, Christ changes men, and changed men can change the world.
Men changed for Christ will be captained by Christ. Like Paul they will be asking, “Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?” (Acts 9:6). Peter stated, they will “follow his steps” (1 Pet. 2:21). John said they will “walk, even as he walked” (1 Jn. 2:6).
Charity isn't just doing "good deeds", it is doing good deeds because we love the Savior and we give up the will and desires of the natural man, desires of selfishness and selfcenteredness. We give them up and do good because we develop a desire to follow Christ. We develop a desire to be like Him.
"Nothing you do makes much of a difference if you do not have charity. You can speak with tongues, have the gift of prophecy, understand all mysteries, and possess all knowledge; even if you have the faith to move mountains, without charity it won't profit you at all....
"Without charity—or the pure love of Christ—whatever else we accomplish matters little. With it, all else becomes vibrant and alive.
"When we inspire and teach others to fill their hearts with love, obedience flows from the inside out in voluntary acts of self-sacrifice and service" (Ensign, Nov 2007, 28–31).
In the talk Choosing Charity: That Good Part, Bonnie D. Parkin said
"The pure love of Christ.... What does this phrase mean? We find part of the answer in Joshua: 'Take diligent heed... to love the Lord your God... and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul.' Charity is our love for the Lord, shown through our acts of service, patience, compassion, and understanding for one another....
"Charity is also the Lord's love for us, shown through His acts of service, patience, compassion, and understanding.
"The 'pure love of Christ' refers not only to our love for the Savior but to His love for each of us....
"Do we judge one another? Do we criticize each other for individual choices, thinking we know better?" (Ensign, Nov 2003, 104).
How can we apply this principal to our lives? What can we do to have love and charity for our fellow brothers and sisters, the LOVE of Christ, the pure love. If you have children, you remember that feeling of holding that precious, pure baby. They are easy to love. But what about when they develop a mind of their own, talk back, disobey. How do we LOVE them with the pure love of Christ then? I don't have all the answers and I certainly could work on this...But I challenge you that it is something to ponder, something to reflect on. And I assert that most of us could probably do better at demonstrating this Christlike, pure and unconditional love more often, and more consistently.
Finally, back to Alma...in verse 14 we read...
Now I say unto you that ye must repent, and be born again; for the Spirit saith if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven; therefore come and be baptized unto repentance, that ye may be washed from your sins, that ye may have faith on the Lamb of God, who taketh away the sins of the world, who is mighty to save and to cleanse from all unrighteousness.
Washed from all unrighteousness. It is a beautiful gift. But then what, what about when you aren't charitable after that? Repent, take the sacrament, be sanctified by the cleansing power of the Holy Spirit and resolve to do better...whether that means...not judging, not gossiping, not offending, not being offended, not feeling charitable...Resolve to do better. Then remember, the Lord feels Charity for you. Be gentle and kind to yourself and improve because you love Him and you want to be like Him.
#326 Reason I see the hand of Heavenly Father in my life...He sent His son for me...for us all...and through that testimony I have gained great strength, love and appreciation for my life and the lives of every brother and sister on this earth. I am thankful for Him, for them both.
Make it a great day! Only YOU can!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)