My mother and father were great people. They were kind, smart and service oriented. They always taught us that God gives us what we need, but not necessarily what we WANT. Mom taught us that he can see things we cannot see.
I didn't understand this growing up.
I remember being on my knees for what seemed like hours as a little girl, praying for a sister. The carpet was worn (I am sure) where my little knees rubbed the floor raw praying for every dead pet by name (there were a lot of them, and would be a lot more...14 cats total when I moved out of the house...and six dogs over all.) I am sure my mom tired of hearing their names as she patiently knelt by me. But nothing made her more weary, I'm sure, than the pleadings for another sibling, and more specifically a sister.
After years of this she sat me down one day and explained that things had been "done" to prevent this and that I needed to stop praying for it. But I think the secret prayers kept ascending to heaven. I was 13 when my parents opened the umbrella of their home and their love to other teens that needed a safe haven, some for a month or two, some for years. I loved them all, drinking in the miracle of God's power. He had made what was "DONE"...Undone. Brothers followed, Sisters followed. And though I am not close to all these children in proximity, I can't imagine what life would have been like today without all of them. My brothers married great women, that I have been blessed to not just call sister, but friend. My sisters married great men. One of my sons is even named after a brother in law...he adores his big Uncle D. I know in many ways these brothers and sisters have prepared me to love our little BabyJ more than some could imagine possible. But I knew, there was no division in my heart between the "biological" and the "gifts"...no line between the ones that arrived FedEx and the ones that arrived Parcel Post...a little later, a little worn for the travel. They were all MINE. What a gift. I know that God is good. His timing isn't always ours. But he hears us and my parents were right, he gives us what we need.
The human part of me that I wrote about earlier this week, didn't know what God was thinking when he took my mother home to him 7 years ago. I remember thinking that he must not love me any more to take my mother. My father followed 3 years later.
But the processing and the path of my life has been so interesting and God, when he closes doors, has always thrown open windows for me. When I met my husband almost 17 years ago, gratefully through the blessing of an ex-boyfriend ironically enough...I had no idea how that would bless me today. I had no idea that JUST LIKE these amazing siblings that came parcel post, the Lord would deliver me on the door of a family that would love me like their own. He was planting the seeds of NEED. He knew that I couldn't get through the gritty life of raising 6 children without parents that would nurture my soul. He took my parents home and I very much feel their presence. They made me what and who I am. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life, thanks to them. I am so grateful for extended family that they gifted me with.
Today is my Second Mom's birthday. She took me under her wing 17 years ago. She and I instantly bonded. It was like our hearts had been searching for each other since our births. She knows me, she holds my heart when no one else can. She loves my mother and tells my children about the blessing of their Grandma and Grandpa TaTa that look out for them. When my mommy died, mom came for a week and took care of me, Ryan and the children. She held the baby through the viewing. She cooked for us. She just loved us. And dad M. let her come without reservation. She came another week after we laid my dad to rest, just to make sure I was ok. There have been many visits from them in-between all this. Visits after a bad miscarriage and when BabyJ came home for the hospital. She is one of the most selfless and giving women I know. I know that she and my mommy were the best of friends in heaven. There was probably some deal struck between them that when she was called home, Mom M. would watch over us.
How grateful I am that when God's will or plan cannot give us what we want, he reaches down and gives us what we need. I could have chosen for the last 7 years to be bitter. Instead, I opened my eyes and recognized the gift before me...Two more parents to love me, Two more Grandparents for my children, Four more sisters, Four more brothers by marriage, 10 more nieces and nephews and the baby hasn't even had her little ones yet. My cup runneth over with blessings.
And today, on the birthday of one of the greatest women I know, I am reminded that God gives us what we need. And I am grateful.
Happy Birthday Mom. I am sure Mommy is smiling over you today. And she and grandma J are looking out for you every day. I love you!
No comments:
Post a Comment