Birthdays...

This coming week I will be 38. When I stand in front of the mirror there are many days I wonder, "Who's body is this? And who snatched mine?" But I earned every pound and every stretch mark. And though I haven't given up on having a slimmer me (working on that...36 down since the baby and 20 more to go...or so ;) I have given up on ever looking like I did at 26 when I got married. Skinny, I hear it is overrated. (that is what the voice in my head tells me, anyway). I still look in the mirror and behind the wrinkles and the tired neck lies that 26 year old adventurous spirit...if I can keep that spirit young I will be just fine. I hear that 40 is the new 29 (well, maybe I said it)...but with people living to the ripe old age of 100 all the time now...you do the math. It is probably more like the old 25 :)

When my birthday comes around I am not melancholy for the same reasons that some women are. I have no desire to have back my 18, 20, even 29 year old body...and I certainly wouldn't want to relive anything before age 26. Everything from 26 to now has been relatively great. Not perfect...but I can live without perfect, too hard to keep clean. No, the thing that makes me melancholy is the lack of my mother on my birthday. Oh, I know she is around. But I miss those German Chocolate Cakes with Coconut frosting and the clothes she picked out for me that I never really wanted to wear (because they looked like...well...my mother's clothes), but that still hang in my closet because NOW they are one of the last things she gave me and I can't let go of them. I miss how fabulous birthdays were with her. I miss how the one year she "forgot", she got in a car that afternoon and drove 70 miles just to hug me and bring me a present, knowing my husband was taking me out. She kissed me and drove 70 miles home. That day I was hurt (because when she called to chat that afternoon I had to remind her what day it was)...but this day all I see is the effort she put in to make it up to me.

I remember record players, books, a waterbed, clothes, a sweet 16 party, and so much more. But I would have traded ALL of it for 20 more birthdays with my mom and her German Chocolate Cake. Good thing I am currently OFF chocolate, it will make my day a little easier to bare. I hope my children will miss me as much as I miss her when I am gone. That will be the legacy I give her back, that I learned to be a beloved mother too. Happy "BIRTH" day mom...I couldn't have done it without you!

Make it a good day. Only YOU can!